Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Tips For Northerners Moving South

This came from my sweet neighbor and friend and I found it hilarious!!! AND painfully TRUE!!!
So all my northerner friends - have a good laugh on us!!

1.Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2.If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.

3.Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

4.If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

5.Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

6.Do not buy food at the movie store.

7.If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

8.Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

9.There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.

10.Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

11.People walk slower here.

12.Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

13.The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'," as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy".. Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

14.The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

15.Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.

16.If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

17.If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

18.Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

19.Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

20.The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

21.If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

22.Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerabley more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

23.In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also hear expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy," "Good Laud," and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy."

24.As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

25.You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.


Carole said...

So funny - thanks for sharing it!

Kelly said...

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this. So much of it is true and I can relate to it. I am a native Southern girl who grew up in GA. All of my family is from around "these parts" too! I swear I get a heavier accent too when I'm around "Southern talkin folks" too. Ha! Thanks for the laughs. Btw, I have some fresh bacon grease in my fridge too. No kidding!

Dee said...

Very funny but basically all true. :)

Kathy said...

So funny. I remember when I vacationed in Georgia I couldn't understand a thing the waitress asked me and she couldn't understand me either. My friend "translated" for us. When she asked if I wanted grits I replied, "Oh no! Yuck! I hate grits." She looked at me like I was insane and said, "You can tell you're from the north. EVERYBODY loves grits down here."

Vee said...

=D That's funny. (I have to tell you that I've been heavily influenced by my Southern blogging buddies and now have some bacon grease hanging out in the fridge.)

Blondie's Journal said...

You made my day, Linda! This is hysterical. It reminds me of the time my hubby and I were at a diner in Savannah and the waitress said, "Y'all talk funny, where y'all from?"


bj said...

This is absolutely PRICELESS...hahhaa...I just love it. and...I just love you.

Anonymous said...

Love reading your blog. I am from Minnesota and suppose there is a another list for Southerns moving North. I will have to search for such a list.
I do have a question about #6. What is a movie store and why don't you buy food there? Is this another name for a movie theatre? If so, why would you not eat the food there? I admit to sneaking some in when I don't want to pay the outrageous prices.
Again, your blog is so fun to read.

Pondside said...

This was so cute! We lived in Oklahoma City in the 80's and I'll never forget the directions 'turn at the blinkin' light'. I thought he meant the 'darn' light, or the '#4%2' light (or some profane description of the light) but he meant for us to turn right at the light that was....blinking.

Bev said...

Very cute.... ! And I can hardly wait to come south!!...It will be shorter than I hoped for this year with hubby going back to work...but I'll still make it down for a season!!

Shelly said...

I'm saying Yep! to most of these~

Auntie sezzzzzz... said...

Love 'em all.

But especially this one: "3.Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows."



Angie said...

Love this, oh so true!

Sandra said...

i am from the south, live in the south and am married to a damn Yankee, i just read all these to that yankee and we are both breathless from laughter. thanks for the morning laugh and i here by swear on my life as a Southerner this is all TRUE

darlin said...

Linda this made me laugh, it's like us here and "You know you're a Redneck when...", all in good fun!

Judy ~ My Front Porch said...

Oh, what fun! We are heading due south...leaving tomorrow...though I don't think CA rates as 'deep south'.

Carla said...