Children in the Closet....Chapter 38

 Chapter 38 

For several years it had been my tradition to invite a group of ladies and drive them all in my van to the Admore Craft Fair in Oklahoma. My friend, Jean, and her daughter, Shirley, Summer, Mother and I left at 7:00 AM the first Saturday morning in October 2001 and Summer was kind enough to drive for me. 

First stop was the Cracker Barrel for breakfast then on to the fair. We all had a great time and left with plenty of treasures. We stopped at an Outlet Mall on our way back home and then Johnny Carino for dinner. We were happy to be together and it was a day filled with all good things. Times like that were special blessings to me and what kept me going.

Jesse and I went to the SPCA after church the next day and I found the perfect dog. I missed Ruffles so much and losing her was such a shock - it was still a mystery to me that she was gone. I found a black terrier just 8 months old and named her Shadow and that’s exactly what she was - my shadow! She was the best of my dearly beloved Duchess and my Ruffles! I took her home with me and once again, I had a dog who loved me and I loved her.  She settled right in and made herself at home. She even slept at the foot of the bed on my velvet bedspread. A dog after my own heart!

While I settled in with my sweet dog, life continued with Jesse working on the plumbing and the good news was they were able to reroute all the pipes and sewer without tearing up the inside of the house. Benjamin continued his homeschooling lessons and Amber her college classes. Life had leveled out somewhat.

I did something daring right before Thanksgiving. I had always worn my hair long but I decided to get it cut super short. I did not ask Jesse if he approved. I went right down to the salon and said I wanted it short! I actually didn't mean it to be THAT short - but I felt liberated. Then I went to Mother's house and she frosted it for me. On the way to Fort Worth, I stopped to deliver some fruitcake cookies to some friends, Melba and JW. Their hospitality in allowing Summer to use their RV for a month and was such a blessing and answer to prayer.

We spent Thanksgiving that year with our dear friends, Doud and Reaoma, and their daughter, Pam, plus other of their family members. It was an honor to be included in this celebration and, before the meal, we formed a large circle and each of us gave thanks for something this year. 

I wore a new green velvet skirt and a short-sleeved sweater I got at the thrift store the day before plus my favorite fall scarf my dear friend, Debbie, had given me a few years earlier, and my new fall jacket purchased at the Craft Fair! Amber and Benjamin were both decked out in new clothes from pants to shirts to shoes. Very 'IN'. Jesse looked nice in slacks and a shirt and Doug's sister took pics of us for me to use in my Christmas cards. We all looked good! Looks can be deceiving. No one could tell how desperate our situation was and what turmoil we were going through.

The day after Thanksgiving I wanted to go back to Fort Worth and introduce Shadow to my mother. Before we even left, Benjamin was asking how long we were going to stay and when would we get home. A few minutes later he came to me and said, "I'm sorry I was fussing about it. You want to go see your mother. When I grow up and want to come see you, I don't want my kids fussing about it." That squeezed my heart. Benjamin was such a joy and delight to me.

It was full steam ahead with the work on the house and these were busy days for all of us. One morning I woke and, thinking it was time to get up, glanced at the clock only to see that it was 2:00 AM and I had several more hours to sleep! I had a lot of pillows on my bed and a sweet dog on the floor on her rug. Most nights I slept alone and that was fine with me.

As work progressed, there was no water or sewer in the house so we would go over to Summer's apartment to shower and I would often spend the night. Her place became a refuge for me. So many things were going awry on the work at the house that it reminded me of the movie Money Pit with Tom Hanks.

At last, we had water and sewer. Jesse just had a few kinks to work out as in the toilet flushed with hot water. Now that we could live more normally at home while the repairs continued, Benjamin and I put up the Christmas tree. He put on the lights and together we decorated it.

One Friday night we all went to Grapevine, Texas on a Christmas outing. Summer searched out cool things for us to do at the holidays and she and I always enjoyed ourselves. Amber and Benjamin, being teenagers - not so much. And Jesse went but he scowled the whole time.

I hosted a Christmas party for my Sunday School class after church and had CiCi's pizza, punch, desserts and music and games before we went around the neighborhood caroling. I had purchased jingle bell necklaces for all of us and it was a lovely party. 

December days were busy days and since we schooled all year round, we would take Thanksgiving to New Year's Day off giving us extra time to do Christmasy things.

There were a good many elderly people in our church and we were especially fond of one couple.  One December morning Jesse, Benjamin and I went over to their house to see what kind of help we could be to them. They were thrilled! We had picked up Cappuccinos and donuts on our way over so it felt like a real party.

Jesse and Benjamin cleaned out their gutters and raked up all the leaves while I set up their Christmas tree. I left to pick up Amber at the college and she joined me in decorating it. They fed us pizza for lunch and it was a good December day! It felt good to be a blessing and that's what we were. No stress - I felt like we were just an ordinary family, at least for that day.

Benjamin had his Christmas piano recital in Fort Worth and Mother and one of her friends met me there. Amber was at work and Jesse was busy with the plumbing so that was sweet of her to join us.

Benjamin was his teacher’s best student so he played last. Afterwards Mother treated us to lunch at the Black-Eyed Pea. On our way home, I drove by Jesse, Jr's house. Benjamin and I sat in the car together debating on whether to get out. I didn't want to make trouble with Jesse and he would be furious if he found out we visited him, but I missed my first-born son and was tempted to knock on the door. But in the end, I drove away slowly.

Murphy's law ruled over the house project and one thing would get fixed while another thing broke. We had water in the kitchen and laundry room but not in the bathroom so we hauled water in there to flush the toilets.

Jesse had a couple of stone mason jobs come in and would work during the day and do plumbing at night. He was so tired and his back was hurting from all the digging he had been doing.

Our church had one service on Christmas Eve at 10:00 AM. My heart was so heavy as I sat in the pew and looked around. There were very few people and we seemed to have lost our way. I didn’t know what was wrong but something was. Amber had been visiting Fellowship Church with some friends on Saturday night since they had services then as well as on Sunday.  She and Benjamin both wanted to change churches especially since there were practically no young people at Crestview anymore. Jesse would not even consider it. He was the head deacon and that was that.

After church the kids and I went over to Summer's apartment to roll sugarplums - a family tradition! Christmas Eve night we attended a candlelight service in Fort Worth and then Mother hosted a family gathering at her house and Jesse, Jr and his wife, Leigh Ann, were there. I was thrilled! I had made Popcorn Crunch treats for everyone. What a Christmas blessing to see my son!

Mother told me the next day they went to the movies and took their own popcorn!

Christmas Day was good. Stockings at breakfast - juice, cream cheese bundles, eggs, bacon and fruit salad served at 11:30. No hurrying on this day. The tree, naps and dinner at 5:30 - honey ham, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, cranberry salad, cream cheese corn, Parker house rolls, pumpkin pie and sugarplums.

We watched Christmas movies - Home Alone, Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34th Street, Rush Hour 2 and Mission Impossible 2. Benjamin took his Christmas gift - a telescope - out and of course he and his friend, David (his family are Christians but they do not observe special days) played a lot of Play Station 2 while Summer and I finished our Steamboat Springs Ski puzzle. 

  David had spent the night on Christmas Eve, so Benjamin spent Christmas night at David's house. The day after Christmas, Benjamin spent the night with Summer and Amber went to the PTX sleepover. For two days and night Jesse and I were alone together and it was okay. We shelled pecans and watched a movie and, since it was bitter cold and the central heat was not working, we both slept in the den in front of the fireplace. For whatever reason - at least for the most part - if it was just the two of us I felt a lull in Jesse’s resentment of me.

David spent New Year's Eve night with us and he and Benjamin stayed up until 3:30 in the morning playing Play Station II. I went to bed early as I had a lot on my mind. Holidays had always been hard for us but this one wasn't too bad. I worked through some conflicts of my own. I wished with all my heart for peace and solitude but maybe that's what I could look forward to in heaven. I crawled under the covers and started to pray, telling God all my problems, sorrows and trouble. I claimed I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon Him for He cares for you."

My sister, Nita, shared this on my Facebook page the year before she died.

My siblings all encouraged me to write my story.....and I am still writing it.