Monday, November 19, 2018

Remembering Reaoma

We knew this was coming. 
Reaoma has been on hospice for about a year. 
We have watched the disease steal more of her away with our every visit.
This past week it became obvious she was near the end of her journey.
Reaoma had Progressive Supranuclear Palsy.....an extremely uncommon disease....

"Progressive supranuclear palsy (PSP) is an uncommon brain disorder that affects movement, control of walking (gait) and balance, speech, swallowing, vision, mood and behavior, and thinking. The disease results from damage to nerve cells in the brain. The disorder’s long name indicates that the disease worsens (progressive) and causes weakness (palsy) by damaging certain parts of the brain above nerve cell clusters called nuclei (supranuclear). These nuclei particularly control eye movements. One of the classic signs of the disease is an inability to aim and move the eyes properly, which individuals may experience as blurring of vision. 
Estimates vary, but only about three to six in every 100,000 people worldwide, or approximately 20,000 Americans, have PSP—making it much less common than Parkinson's disease (another movement disorder in which an estimated 50,000 Americans are diagnosed each year). Symptoms of PSP begin on average after age 60, but may occur earlier. Men are affected more often than women."

Reaoma had this disease for over 5 years before it took her away.



Pamela Perry my sweet momma Reaoma Nanney Stiegler finally lost her fight with the debilitating disease PSP last night. I was with her almost until the end as was her good friend and angel Linda Chapman. I couldn't have done it without her. Mom wanted to be cremated and her ashes will be buried by her loving husband Doug at the Guiceland Cemetary down the road from where their farm Rainbow's End was. I think this picture above was taken when we were in the Girl Scouts together. She was my best friend and companion in a house full of boys. I'm going to miss her but so thankful she is not suffering anymore.
 From Pam's Facebook page.....

Pam had foot surgery recently and has been on medical leave from her job so she was able to spend more time with her mom than usual. This was a God thing.
I had visited on Tuesday and could tell she was slipping away.
By Friday we were in watch mode.
Louis Dean and I went up in the afternoon to see her.
There was definitely something different.
I went back that evening and Pam and I sat with Reaoma trying to make her as comfortable as possible. Hospice had left a pamphlet in the room about dying and I found it helpful in understanding the stages. Everyone on staff agreed that she would not be with us much longer.
I went back up there late Saturday afternoon and stayed with Pam.
She's an only daughter and has been solely responsible for caring for her mother.
There was another pamphlet and this one was even more helpful.
The first one seemed to let us know what to expect during the process of dying and the second one told us how we could help.
We prayed and talked to Reaoma. Pam played hymns and Native American music for her on her phone. I combed her hair. Pam spritzed her with her favorite perfume. The staff came in every two hours with medication to keep her comfortable. We cried and we laughed. We talked about memories and we said our goodbyes. Pam did every thing she could possibly do for her mother. She went home about 9:00 and I stayed until a little after 10:00. I lingered, knowing it was my last time to be with her. I told her again how much I loved and appreciated her and Doug and the gift of their friendship.
It was hard to leave. The booklet said that we really do have some control over when we die. To a degree. Sometimes our loved one will hang on until they are alone.....wanting to spare and protect the ones who love them. I think Reaoma was waiting for us to go home before she went home.


Reaoma left us at 1:00 Sunday morning.
Neither one of us got much sleep Saturday night.
Pam got the phone call at 2:30 and she sent me a text message.
We were up there at 7:00 this morning to clean out her room.


I painted this for her in 1998 and brought it back home with me today.


Pam graciously allowed me to keep some of her shirts and this one fit both Reaoma and me to a T!
We got nearly everything out but the TV and a table so late this afternoon, Louis Dean and I met Pam up there and he hauled those things to the truck and we took them to her house - which isn't far from ours.

I was all prepared for a wave of sadness to come over me as I left Reaoma's room for the last time.
But, thanks to Pam.....we laughed instead of cried!


Pam was using the walker like a scooter so she didn't have to use the crutches all the way to the car.
The wheels caught on the carpet track and she face planted down on top of it. Face down and hitting her chin on the bar. I wasn't quick enough to get a picture of her before she rolled herself over!
Look! She took a good tumble but didn't drop her phone!!
And she laughed! Then so did we!


Isn't she cute??
Laughter is good medicine, indeed!


I have found some comfort in wearing Reaoma's socks and working my way through this initial grief stage.


I saw this on Facebook today and immediately thought of Reaoma.
She did not choose this path and this part of her journey.
But she did choose how to live it.
With grace and humor and love and acceptance.
And I told her so while she could still hear me.
I told her I loved her and that I'm proud of her.
I told her she had done a good job and finished her work here.
I told her it was okay to go.
I told her to follow the Light....that Jesus was waiting for her....
and she did. She is with him now.

Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers.....they have made all the difference.

I am up late tonight as I prepare for a colonoscopy in the morning.
Tomorrow night I will let you know who will win the Western Santa.
Louis Dean will draw the name in the morning
And now I'm going to take a nap - it's a nap because I have to get up at 4:30 to drink more of this vile concoction as a second round of prep.
If you have had one of these procedures - you know what I'm talking about - and for you younger folks - well, don't worry about it until you're 50+. Maybe it's 55.....
And after 80 years of age - you get a pass.

Turning off the light now.......
Good night!

35 comments:

Luann said...

Always loved that poem by Henry van Dyke. Glad Pam didn't have to be with her Mom alone. I know that was a blessing.

Carol said...

So sorry for the loss you suffered but it sounds as though your friend was ready and that you helped her daughter prepare for the loss as well. My husband lost a life long friend on Saturday as well. That's his second loss in a week.

Anonymous said...

Such a beautiful loving tribute to a great lady, it was perfect, oh my,,, colonoscopy,, that’s a rough prep but soon be over,, take care, I’ll be thinking of you today and keep you in my prayers,,

mxtodis123 said...

So sorry for the loss, but what a lovely tribute. Good luck with the colonoscopy. I've yet to have one. I'm chicken.

NanaDiana said...

I am sad/happy for your sweet friend- sad because she dealt with such a debilitating disease- happy because she is no longer earth bound in a body that could not be healed.
You are a blessing to her daughter and I know that there were angels there with you as you said your goodbyes. God bless---xo Diana

MimiG said...

Linda, I've read so much about your friendship with Reaoma over the years and I'm sure she especially your being there for her and her daughter at the end of her life on earth. She's now watching over both of you and sending her love. Prayers to you and Pam during this time of grieving. But, you're right, laugh and remember the fabulous times you all had together. Remember your woman to woman friendship with her, the joy you had as friends.
The colonoscopy - December is my month. But I will do it - my oldest son was diagnosed with Colon Cancer when he was 43. The next year was so very rough. But, so far, so good!!
The painting you had given Raeoma is one of your bests to me. I think you put a lot of heart into that one.

Susie said...

Linda, Sending hugs to you. I am sorry for all the suffering Reaoma went through. Just glad she is with the Lord. Pam was a beautiful daughter and you a true friend. It's nice you have that beautiful painting you made for her to look at now. You will think of her always.
The thing about the parting ship, I have read before and it always touches my heart. I did laugh about the saying on the shirt.
Hope the week goes well, especially the scoping. Blessings xoxox,love you, Susie

Estelle's said...

There are few people who are faithful friends at the end of life Linda...I know how you treasured the friendship you had....what a blessing to no longer suffer.....she is in her forever home and well cared for. Warm Hugs.

MadSnapper said...

this post is a beautiful tribute to your friend and her life and your friendship with her and her daughter. I like that there is grief, sadness mixed with joy and love and also laughter. the best way to grieve is what you did here. So sorry for your loss and for her family's loss. RIP Reaoma

Kathy said...

I am sorry for Reanoma's passing, but also happy she is with Jesus and well... fully well. That is how I felt with both of my parents, wanting them back with me, but knowing they are more alive now than they ever were on earth and someday I will see them again. Someday you and your friend will be together again but more so than ever here on earth for there is no parting. The pain and sadness lasts for awhile, but there is a bright tomorrow. How kind of Pam to give you some things from her mother's life. The painting is beautiful! This is a beautiful tribute to her life.

Hootin Anni said...

Laughter IS good medicine, but a tragic loss still lingers and broken hearts take time to mend.

Sad.

Ps...traveling the www/visiting me this morning under your warm electric blanket sounds like an ideal way to do some 'day tripping'!!

Changes in the wind said...

You have been a loyal, faithful friend clear to the end and it has been a blessing to your sweet friend and her daughter. I recently heard a person refer to their loved one that was dying as "transitioning" and I found that very comforting for indeed if we are a Christian we are just moving on to our new life. It is very hard that you have had a best friend and your Mom in hospice and pray that God gives you special strength.

DUTA said...

"Sometimes our loved one will hang on until they are alone..."
So true!

Ronnie said...

You and Pam and her fami!y are in my thoughts and prayers. X

Penny said...

Thinking of you Linda, you truly were an ‘angel’. Sending much love to you. I am not blogging much but keep up with your adventures here. Hugs ❤️❤️

peggy said...

Dear Linda, you write so beautifully about your friend and I am so sorry that you have lost her for now. Thank you for sharing her with us this morning.

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I'm so sorry for your loss and you have my sincerest sympathies. May your dear friend Reaoma rest in peace. And may the dear Lord comfort you and her daughter at this sorrowful time. Your post was a wonderful tribute to your dear one. You have been her friend to the end. I believe we never lose this we love, because we keep them close in our hearts where they remain forever.

Arlene G said...

The circle of life .....the good times the bad times and the hard times. So thankful you had a friend like Reoma to share those times with you. May your memories of the good times bring a smile to your face in the days ahead.

Ginny Hartzler said...

I am so very sorry. All of your posts about Reamoa were such moving tributes to her. And now I think we all feel that we knew her, thanks to you. You were her true friend and angel right up to the end. The Henry Van dyke story is wonderful!!! I know you must be exhausted, both mentally and physically. And now the colonoscopy. The prep is the worst part! I had to drink that stuff before my colon surgery last June, and was not able to finish it!

Bluebird49 said...

I am sorry, Linda! At !east you never abandoned you friend. I know you loved each other very much, and her memory will always mean love to you.
It's so good youall were there to help Pam!!Thinking of you today!
xos, Trudy

Cheapchick said...

I am so sorry about losing your friend, at least now she is no longer in pain. I am sure you and Pam will remain like family. Good luck on your nasty colonoscopy......best have some tasty cookies and wine waiting once you are all through. Hugs

Debbie said...

i am so sorry for your loss linda, it sounds like a big one!! her symptoms sounded much like MS symptoms, i had a hard time reading....

good luck with the colonoscopy. i have never had one but i am a nurse and had many patients in my care prepped for one. no fun at all...perhaps that is why i have evaded the test myself. but we should all have one!!

i will keep you in my thoughts for the loss of your dear friend, that pain is immeasurable!!!

Judy said...

So sorry for your loss, Linda....and for all the pain your friend endured. That is the first I have heard of PSP. Not nice.

Thinking of you and your procedure today. All the best!

Deanna Rabe - Creekside Cottage Blog said...

Friends who are family to each other! Loving and caring for each other, that’s what you’ve done and been for Reaoma and will continue to be for Pam.

Jill said...

So very for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you during this difficult time.

Blessings,
Jill

Joy@aVintageGreen said...

Your love and caring of your dear Friend Raemona and the support you and Pam gave each other during Raemon's last years and your life long friendship is a glowing tribute to Raemon.
Hugs.
Joy

Jan said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Linda. We lost a member of our church to PSP earlier this year-it's a cruel disease. Reaoma was so fortunate to have a devoted friend like you.

Unknown said...

Linda,

Your love of your great friend is so amazing. I am so sorry she passed but I think she is so happy in her next place in life and she left our world so loved.

Carole said...

I hope your procedure goes well. so sad about your friend. but she will be with you in another way now. Kia Kaha

Vee said...

You have been the most supportive, loving friend. Tears are streaming for the loss of Reoma, but there is also joy for knowing that she is safely home at last. Praying comfort for Pam and for all who will miss her.. (Please forgive the perky email just sent...I had not checked my bloglist yet.)

BeachGypsy said...

If you need anything, anything at all, you just holler. I am so so sorry for your loss my friend. Gonna be awful hard to get through this, but you will, you will. I've read your posts about her for quite some time now, and always enjoyed the pictures and the updates, even though she was so sick, it showed us your compassion and your love and about being a good and faithful friend--which she absolutey KNEW YOU WERE, and you were a blessing to her. I'm just so sad she has had to leave you, and to leave her family/loved ones....but the comfort is she is out of pain and is now with Jesus. Gentle hugs, my friend.

Liane Lewis said...

Thank you so much for sharing this journey. I have so many fond memories of Reaoma at the doll shop, at the doll shows, and the red hat outings. She was always happy and cheerful and fun to be around. I will always treasure those memories. Too many to name!!

~Lavender Dreamer~ said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You've been such a good friend for so many years. I know it will be sad to be without her but of course we are thankful that her suffering has ended. Sweet hugs my friend, Diane

The Feminine Energy said...

Oh Linda... I'm so sorry. Words seem inadequate but I hope you know how much my heart aches for you, with this most significant loss in your life. Love you, Andrea xoxo

terre said...

just saw this today, linda. my condolences on your loss (its never easy) but my heart soars with joy at your friends gain! i have thought a lot about heaven recently, from the perspective of 'wonder what its like'....one day we will both find out!

terre