Children in the Closet - Chapter 17

 

Chapter 17

 

               By the spring of 1965 Jesse was making more money as a stone mason and not just a laborer. We started looking for a larger place to live and downstairs since Summer was now walking. We found a duplex not far from Mrs. Morrison and the rent was just $75 a month with bills paid. It was larger than our apartment and had a good-sized bathroom with a nice tub, a large kitchen, one bedroom and a living room. And it came completely furnished. I was so excited.    

            We moved in one evening after Jesse got off work. It wasn’t hard since the only furniture we had was Summer’s baby bed. We didn’t have a lot in the way of clothes so it didn’t take me long to pack up our dishes, food, linens and a few odd and ends like lamps, books and such.  We hugged Mrs. Morrison goodbye and promised to come back and visit which we did. We loved Mrs. Morrison and she continued to be an important part of my life until she died some 30 years later.

             It was so nice to have my own home and it felt good to walk into the duplex and move the furniture around until I was happy with the way it looked. There were built in bookshelves underneath two windows on one wall. I arranged and rearranged my books, what nots – that’s what my Granny had always called pretty little ceramic pieces – and a few framed photographs. I loved the lace curtains that were hanging in the window and the lamps. I dearly loved lamps. There were a couple of table lamps, one at either end of the sofa. There was a floor lamp beside a big cushioned chair and that’s where I would sit with Summer on my lap and read to her.         

             The best thing of all was that we had our very own telephone! The first time ever that I had a telephone I could actually answer and call out on. When I was at home with Mother, Clayton forbade us to even pick up the telephone. He would call at random times trying to trick us into answering. Mother told us that if the phone rang once and then stopped - the next time it rang we could answer. It was like a code for when she would call us. A ringing telephone was a terribly stressful thing for me and for my siblings. It took all of us a long time to be comfortable in answering the telephone.

               Summer was walking well now and learning to talk.  I had taken care of my brother, Lonnie, when he was still a baby back in 1957 but I had two younger sisters for him to play with. Even though I was only nine years old myself, it didn’t seem as hard then as taking care of my own baby now. I would put her toys in the bathtub and draw some warm bath water and let her play while I sat on the closed toilet lid and read. She was a smart little girl and I realized early on that I would have to act like a real mother so she would obey me. 

            We had been friends with two couples while living at Mrs. Morrison’s. The Parks – Gloria and Joe Paul, and the Davises – Nellie and Kenneth. We continued our friendships and would have them over much as we did when we were living in the apartment. Both couples would bring a dish and we would all eat and then play card games or Scrabble. Gloria had a little boy named Joseph and Nellie was pregnant so Summer would play with Joseph just as I used to play with my cousin when Mother and Daddy had people over to play cards when I was little.

           One day the Parks brought over their Ouija board. I was a little bit scared to try it but we gathered around the table and everyone was excited to try something new but it didn’t take me but a few minutes to know I should not be doing this. I left the table and went in to play with the kids. That was the first, last and only time I ever played with a Ouija board.

              It was early summer when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to find Kenneth standing there. He had come to tell me Nellie had given birth to a little boy. It was early afternoon when he came by so Jesse was at work and Summer was taking a nap. I said I was happy for them but then I didn’t know what else to say. Kenneth asked for a glass of water and followed me to the kitchen when I went to get it. The he began to talk to me about how Nellie was so jealous. He kept trying to get closer and closer to me and I was afraid. I would move away and he would follow. I told him he should go back up to the hospital and be with his wife. He said he wanted to spend the afternoon with me.  I had not been in a situation like this before so I pretended not to understand what Kenneth was talking about. I was never so happy to hear Summer wake up crying from her nap and I raced to her baby bed and picked her up and then turned around and told Kenneth I needed to change her diaper and give her a snack. Then I walked to the front door and locked it as soon as he went out. The next time Jesse suggested we invite them over, I made an excuse not to and they moved away shortly after that.

               Jesse was good about seeing to it that I had things to do and when I expressed a real yearning for a sewing machine, he went out and bought one for me. It was a simple Singer but I had absolutely no experience and jammed the machine up right off the bat. Jesse showed remarkable patience with me and took it back up to the store and they unjammed it. He also brought home a thin paper leaflet of sewing instructions. I was soon able to sew a rather straight line and did some mending. Then I branched out and bought some fabric and patterns. I wanted to make real garments we could wear.                      My very first project was a shirt for Jesse using the turquoise and white gingham. It was short sleeved and had a collar and buttons and buttonholes. Oh, my. I made it and it looked more or less like a shirt. The collar was lopsided and buttonholes were ragged but Jesse proudly wore that shirt. In public. He took Summer and me to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus and wore that shirt!

            From the time I was just six years old, I knew in my heart that Daddy was not my daddy. Lloyd Ewing was Lloydine, Lanita and Lonnie’s daddy and he was a very nice man but he was not my daddy. When I was 10 years old, I started asking my mother about it but she would only laugh and tell me outlandish funny names of who my real father was.

               In September I had my 17^th birthday. I drove over to Fort Worth and Mother took me, Summer and my siblings out for a birthday dinner at the Piccadilly Cafeteria on Camp Bowie. Once again, I asked Mother for information about my birth father but to no avail. I never made a scene about it when I asked but I seriously wanted to know. She admitted that Lloyd wasn’t my real birth father but that’s all she would say. So, I decided to figure it out myself.

               My birthday was on a Friday so Saturday morning I called information on the telephone and asked for the number for a Lloyd Ewing in Kansas City, Missouri. Next I called again and asked for the number for a Barbara Jean Ewing. I took a deep breath, said a prayer and called both numbers with Lloyd being first. To his credit, he answered my call and talked with me. That could not have been easy for him. He said he was remarried and had a lovely wife. I told him I would like to come up to Kansas City and visit him. He said to call Barbara and see if I could stay with her.  I did and she said come on up. Aunt Barbara and her children lived with Grandma Ewing and PoPo – that’s what everyone called him - and said I would be welcomed to visit.    

              I bought train tickets for Summer and myself, packed a small suitcase and a few toys and books to keep her entertained and Jesse took us to the station. We boarded the train early in the morning, around 8:00. The journey would take well over 24 hours. I loved watching the scenery from our window and the hours passed quickly. I had made some sandwiches and brought along some snacks so we didn’t have to buy anything to eat from the dining car or from the refreshment cart that was rolled through each car midmorning and midafternoon. I was happy to see the water cooler and the little white paper cone cups were the same as I remembered from my childhood trips on the train. 

            The rocking and swaying of the train lulled Summer to sleep and I sat there quietly gazing out of the window and wondering what I hoped to get out of this trip. I was still pretty proud of myself for doing this. I was just 17 and traveling with a two-year-old. I had never done anything like this before in my life and thought I must really be a grown up now.  We slept all night there in our seats.  When we woke up, an elderly couple helped me keep Summer entertained and I was grateful. By the time our train pulled into Union Station, I was as restless as Summer.

               Aunt Barbara met us at the station. I had not seen her in over 10 years and would not have recognized her if she had not called my name. She had gained a lot of weight but as I looked at her face and into her eyes, I knew she was Aunt Barbara. We chatted on the way to her apartment. She lived in the same building I remembered from when Lloydine and I would run up and down the stairs as young children. It had looked like a giant bird cage to me back then and it looked like that now.             Grandma Ewing was in the kitchen when we arrived and she was polite. She had never liked Mother so I didn’t blame her for not being excited about my visit. PoPo was old (72) and kind enough to Summer and me – in a rather distracted manner. Looking back, he must have been in ill health as he died two years later.

               The apartment was large and old fashioned with high ceilings. The heat was from radiators and seemed strange to me. The bathroom was as big as some of the bedrooms I have slept in.

               I cleaned Summer up and changed her clothes and freshened up before dinner. We all gathered around the big dining room table, Grandma, Aunt Barbara, her husband and her three children plus Summer and myself. I held Summer in my lap and said I would feed her off my plate.  The only tension was how all the children were told to eat every bit of their food. This made me nervous because I knew good and well I could not eat all the food that was placed on my plate even with Summer eating from it, as well.

               After the meal was finally over and the dishes done, we all sat in the living room and waited for Lloyd and his wife, Marjorie, to arrive. They were both quiet people. Lloyd seemed happy and content and Marjorie looked like the school teacher she was. I think this life suited him much better than his life with Mother. At 44 years old, he seemed nearly as old to me as PoPo. He didn’t ask about Lloydine, Lanita and Lonnie even though they were his children. I suppose it was odd that I would visit them even though we all knew I was not related to any of them.

                Mother and Aunt Barbara had been very close during the time Mother was married to Lloyd. Mother also had a good relationship with Lloyd’s younger brother, Gene. Back in 1955, Mother had kept the children of Gene’s girlfriend. He didn’t end up marrying her, though, but appreciated the way she had helped them out.

               I didn’t see Lloyd’s brothers while I was there but I didn’t stay but two days. I asked questions but did not get answers. I came in search of my identity but found only polite kindness and a wall of silence about who my father was. Maybe they didn’t know.

              

                Summer went trick or treating for the first time that Halloween of 1965. It fell on a Sunday and Lloydine was spending the weekend with us and Mother didn’t care if she missed school so she stayed a few extra days so she could go trick or treating with us.

               Summer was two years old and I appreciated my sister’s help with her. We decided to fix up a Casper the Friendly Ghost costume for her to wear. She and I took an old pillowcase and cut a slit for Summer’s head and two for her arms. We sprinkled baby powder in her hair and thought we were so clever. At dusk we went up and down the street trick or treating and Summer collected her candy in a brown paper sack. We all came back home and ate candy before giving her a bath and getting all that baby powder out of her hair.

              In November we moved from the rented duplex in Dallas to our first house in Irving, Texas. It was a rent with option to buy and we loved it. The duplex had been furnished so we had to buy some second hand furniture. Summer had her baby bed but Jesse and I had to sleep on the floor until we could find a bed and the one we ended up with kept falling down. Finally, we just put the box springs and mattress on the floor and called it a Hollywood bed.

               The kitchen had turquoise built in appliances – a stove, oven and dishwasher. We bought a used refrigerator as well as a table and two chairs. I felt so grown up and proud of ourselves. I sat down at the table and wrote a letter to Mr. and Mrs. Matney (who considered adopting me when I was in the third grade) describing our house and where we lived. I even wrote about some of the meals I cooked. I had learned to cook a roast with potatoes, onions and carrots in the oven. It was my favorite meal, partly because there was no way I could mess it up. I mailed the letter but never heard back from them.  Seven years had passed since they had wanted to adopt me. I wanted them to know I was doing well and had a good life.

               Jesse had started working for himself by this time. He visited the two main stone yards in Dallas and the owners there would recommend him to their customers who were needing a mason to lay the stone they bought. We came up with a company name of Stone Creations and had some cards printed. Jesse would work every day that it didn’t rain if he had a job to do. That first Thanksgiving in our new house was just another workday for him. I put Summer in the car and drove over to Fort Worth to see what Mother and the kids were doing but no one was at home. I came back feeling lonely. Families were gathering all up and down the street and you could smell the turkey and dressing floating from our neighbor’s houses. I fixed peanut butter and banana sandwiches for Summer and my lunch and we took a long afternoon nap. I was glad when Thanksgiving was over.

            When December came, I was determined not to let Christmas happen the same way as Thanksgiving. The second weekend of the month we bought a Christmas Tree – it was a Douglas fir and cost $1.97. I really wanted a Scotch Pine but it was more expensive and a Douglas fir actually smells better anyway so I was happy. Then we went to Spartan’s Discount Store to buy decorations. I had a few that Mother had given me so we bought a box of 12 Shiny Brite Christmas ornaments, a strand of colored lights,  some silver tinsel and a Yule Log with four silver bells hanging on red velvet ribbons to hang above the doorway.

               We went back the next weekend to buy Christmas gifts for everyone – from our Mothers to all of our siblings. They were all small gifts but it was still a lot of fun to buy everyone something and to wrap the gifts up in paper and put a bow on each one. It reminded me of the days back when we lived with Granny and Granddad and played Christmas in the back yard. We wrapped rocks up in old newspapers and played like they were gifts. Now I was all grown up and actually giving real presents to my family.

               Christmas Eve was on a Friday and as soon as Jesse came home from work, we got ready to go to Fort Worth to celebrate Christmas Eve with Mother, Benny (her boyfriend) and my siblings. Summer and I got in the car and waited for Jesse. He set out the toys from Santa Claus underneath the Christmas tree for when we got back home.

               Mother had made chicken and dressing, green beans and cheese potatoes. I brought a cake and we all sat around the big dining room table on Bewick Street where Mother lived now.  After we ate, we opened presents and ate peppermint candy and chocolate crème drops. Once we were back home, Summer got to see all her toys and play with them for a little while before I put her to bed.

               Christmas morning felt a little bit like a let down since we had already opened our presents the night before. The good thing was that Jesse’s mother was making a big turkey dinner for Christmas and we went over there taking their gifts with us.   Mrs. O’Dell was a good cook. She cooked different foods than Mother and for Christmas she made oyster stew. I had never eaten it before and it was delicious. She also made a fruit salad using real whipping cream and fresh apples, oranges and bananas all cut up and mixed in with the whipped cream. She added a can of drained fruit cocktail, some chopped pecans and a handful of maraschino cherries. I loved both dishes and thought they were so fancy. Later when I first tried making the fruit salad on my own, I whipped the cream too much and made butter.

               On New Year’s Eve I figured out we had been married for 2 years and 8 months. 32 months. I was 17 years old. Two months later I was pregnant again.