Chapter 17
By
the spring of 1965 Jesse was making more money as a stone mason and not just a
laborer. We started looking for a larger place to live and downstairs since
Summer was now walking. We found a duplex not far from Mrs. Morrison and the rent
was just $75 a month with bills paid. It was larger than our apartment and had
a good-sized bathroom with a nice tub, a large kitchen, one bedroom and a
living room. And it came completely furnished. I was so excited.
We
moved in one evening after Jesse got off work. It wasn’t hard since the only
furniture we had was Summer’s baby bed. We didn’t have a lot in the way of
clothes so it didn’t take me long to pack up our dishes, food, linens and a few
odd and ends like lamps, books and such. We
hugged Mrs. Morrison goodbye and promised to come back and visit which we did.
We loved Mrs. Morrison and she continued to be an important part of my life
until she died some 30 years later.
It
was so nice to have my own home and it felt good to walk into the duplex and
move the furniture around until I was happy with the way it looked. There were
built in bookshelves underneath two windows on one wall. I arranged and
rearranged my books, what nots – that’s what my Granny had always called pretty
little ceramic pieces – and a few framed photographs. I loved the lace curtains
that were hanging in the window and the lamps. I dearly loved lamps. There were
a couple of table lamps, one at either end of the sofa. There was a floor lamp
beside a big cushioned chair and that’s where I would sit with Summer on my lap
and read to her.
The
best thing of all was that we had our very own telephone! The first time ever
that I had a telephone I could actually answer and call out on. When I was at
home with Mother, Clayton forbade us to even pick up the telephone. He would
call at random times trying to trick us into answering. Mother told us that if
the phone rang once and then stopped - the next time it rang we could answer.
It was like a code for when she would call us. A ringing telephone was a
terribly stressful thing for me and for my siblings. It took all of us a long
time to be comfortable in answering the telephone.
Summer
was walking well now and learning to talk.
I had taken care of my brother, Lonnie, when he was still a baby back in
1957 but I had two younger sisters for him to play with. Even though I was only
nine years old myself, it didn’t seem as hard then as taking care of my own
baby now. I would put her toys in the bathtub and draw some warm bath water and
let her play while I sat on the closed toilet lid and read. She was a smart
little girl and I realized early on that I would have to act like a real mother
so she would obey me.
We
had been friends with two couples while living at Mrs. Morrison’s. The Parks –
Gloria and Joe Paul, and the Davises – Nellie and Kenneth. We continued our
friendships and would have them over much as we did when we were living in the
apartment. Both couples would bring a dish and we would all eat and then play
card games or Scrabble. Gloria had a little boy named Joseph and Nellie was
pregnant so Summer would play with Joseph just as I used to play with my cousin
when Mother and Daddy had people over to play cards when I was little.
One
day the Parks brought over their Ouija board. I was a little bit scared to try
it but we gathered around the table and everyone was excited to try something
new but it didn’t take me but a few minutes to know I should not be doing this.
I left the table and went in to play with the kids. That was the first, last
and only time I ever played with a Ouija board.
It
was early summer when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to find Kenneth
standing there. He had come to tell me Nellie had given birth to a little boy.
It was early afternoon when he came by so Jesse was at work and Summer was
taking a nap. I said I was happy for them but then I didn’t know what else to
say. Kenneth asked for a glass of water and followed me to the kitchen when I
went to get it. The he began to talk to me about how Nellie was so jealous. He
kept trying to get closer and closer to me and I was afraid. I would move away
and he would follow. I told him he should go back up to the hospital and be
with his wife. He said he wanted to spend the afternoon with me. I had
not been in a situation like this before so I pretended not to understand what
Kenneth was talking about. I was never so happy to hear Summer wake up crying
from her nap and I raced to her baby bed and picked her up and then turned
around and told Kenneth I needed to change her diaper and give her a snack.
Then I walked to the front door and locked it as soon as he went out. The next
time Jesse suggested we invite them over, I made an excuse not to and they
moved away shortly after that.
Jesse
was good about seeing to it that I had things to do and when I expressed a real
yearning for a sewing machine, he went out and bought one for me. It was a
simple Singer but I had absolutely no experience and jammed the machine up
right off the bat. Jesse showed remarkable patience with me and took it back up
to the store and they unjammed it. He also brought home a thin paper leaflet of
sewing instructions. I was soon able to sew a rather straight line and did some
mending. Then I branched out and bought some fabric and patterns. I wanted to
make real garments we could wear. My
very first project was a shirt for Jesse using the turquoise and white gingham.
It was short sleeved and had a collar and buttons and buttonholes. Oh, my. I
made it and it looked more or less like a shirt. The collar was lopsided and
buttonholes were ragged but Jesse proudly wore that shirt. In public. He took
Summer and me to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus and wore
that shirt!
From
the time I was just six years old, I knew in my heart that Daddy was not my
daddy. Lloyd Ewing was Lloydine, Lanita and Lonnie’s daddy and he was a very
nice man but he was not my daddy.
When I was 10 years old, I started asking my mother about it but she would only
laugh and tell me outlandish funny names of who my real father was.
In
September I had my 17th birthday. I drove over to Fort Worth and
Mother took me, Summer and my siblings out for a birthday dinner at the
Piccadilly Cafeteria on Camp Bowie. Once again, I asked Mother for information
about my birth father but to no avail. I never made a scene about it when I
asked but I seriously wanted to know. She admitted that Lloyd wasn’t my real
birth father but that’s all she would say. So, I decided to figure it out
myself.
My
birthday was on a Friday so Saturday morning I called information on the
telephone and asked for the number for a Lloyd Ewing in Kansas City, Missouri. Next
I called again and asked for the number for a Barbara Jean Ewing. I took a deep
breath, said a prayer and called both numbers with Lloyd being first. To his
credit, he answered my call and talked with me. That could not have been easy
for him. He said he was remarried and had a lovely wife. I told him I would
like to come up to Kansas City and visit him. He said to call Barbara and see
if I could stay with her. I did and she
said come on up. Aunt Barbara and her children lived with Grandma Ewing and
PoPo – that’s what everyone called him - and said I would be welcomed to visit.
I
bought train tickets for Summer and myself, packed a small suitcase and a few
toys and books to keep her entertained and Jesse took us to the station. We
boarded the train early in the morning, around 8:00. The journey would take
well over 24 hours. I
loved watching the scenery from our window and the hours passed quickly. I had
made some sandwiches and brought along some snacks so we didn’t have to buy
anything to eat from the dining car or from the refreshment cart that was
rolled through each car midmorning and midafternoon. I was happy to see the
water cooler and the little white paper cone cups were the same as I remembered
from my childhood trips on the train.
The rocking and swaying of the train lulled Summer
to sleep and I sat there quietly gazing out of the window and wondering what I
hoped to get out of this trip. I was still pretty proud of myself for doing
this. I was just 17 and traveling with a two-year-old. I had never done
anything like this before in my life and thought I must really be a grown up
now. We
slept all night there in our seats. When
we woke up, an elderly couple helped me keep Summer entertained and I was
grateful. By the time our train pulled into Union Station, I was as restless as
Summer.
Aunt
Barbara met us at the station. I had not seen her in over 10 years and would
not have recognized her if she had not called my name. She had gained a lot of
weight but as I looked at her face and into her eyes, I knew she was Aunt
Barbara. We chatted on the way to her apartment. She lived in the same building
I remembered from when Lloydine and I would run up and down the stairs as young
children. It had looked like a giant bird cage to me back then and it looked
like that now. Grandma Ewing
was in the kitchen when we arrived and she was polite. She had never liked
Mother so I didn’t blame her for not being excited about my visit. PoPo was old
(72) and kind enough to Summer and me – in a rather distracted manner. Looking
back, he must have been in ill health as he died two years later.
The
apartment was large and old fashioned with high ceilings. The heat was from
radiators and seemed strange to me. The bathroom was as big as some of the
bedrooms I have slept in.
I
cleaned Summer up and changed her clothes and freshened up before dinner. We
all gathered around the big dining room table, Grandma, Aunt Barbara, her
husband and her three children plus Summer and myself. I held Summer in my lap
and said I would feed her off my plate.
The only tension was how all the children were told to eat every bit of
their food. This made me nervous because I knew good and well I could not eat
all the food that was placed on my plate even with Summer eating from it, as
well.
After
the meal was finally over and the dishes done, we all sat in the living room
and waited for Lloyd and his wife, Marjorie, to arrive. They were both quiet
people. Lloyd seemed happy and content and Marjorie looked like the school
teacher she was. I think this life suited him much better than his life with
Mother. At 44 years old, he seemed nearly as old to me as PoPo. He didn’t ask about
Lloydine, Lanita and Lonnie even though they were his children. I suppose it
was odd that I would visit them even though we all knew I was not related to
any of them.
Mother and Aunt Barbara had been very close
during the time Mother was married to Lloyd. Mother also had a good
relationship with Lloyd’s younger brother, Gene. Back in 1955, Mother had kept
the children of Gene’s girlfriend. He didn’t end up marrying her, though, but
appreciated the way she had helped them out.
I
didn’t see Lloyd’s brothers while I was there but I didn’t stay but two days. I
asked questions but did not get answers. I came in search of my identity but
found only polite kindness and a wall of silence about who my father was. Maybe
they didn’t know.
Summer went trick or treating for the first
time that Halloween of 1965. It fell on a Sunday and Lloydine was spending the
weekend with us and Mother didn’t care if she missed school so she stayed a few
extra days so she could go trick or treating with us.
Summer
was two years old and I appreciated my sister’s help with her. We decided to
fix up a Casper the Friendly Ghost costume for her to wear. She and I took an
old pillowcase and cut a slit for Summer’s head and two for her arms. We
sprinkled baby powder in her hair and thought we were so clever. At dusk we
went up and down the street trick or treating and Summer collected her candy in
a brown paper sack. We all came back home and ate candy before giving her a
bath and getting all that baby powder out of her hair.
In
November we moved from the rented duplex in Dallas to our first house in
Irving, Texas. It was a rent with option to buy and we loved it. The duplex had
been furnished so we had to buy some second hand furniture. Summer had her baby
bed but Jesse and I had to sleep on the floor until we could find a bed and the
one we ended up with kept falling down. Finally, we just put the box springs
and mattress on the floor and called it a Hollywood bed.
The
kitchen had turquoise built in appliances – a stove, oven and dishwasher. We
bought a used refrigerator as well as a table and two chairs. I felt so grown
up and proud of ourselves. I sat down at the table and wrote a letter to Mr.
and Mrs. Matney (who considered adopting me when I was in the third grade)
describing our house and where we lived. I even wrote about some of the meals I
cooked. I had learned to cook a roast with potatoes, onions and carrots in the
oven. It was my favorite meal, partly because there was no way I could mess it
up. I mailed the letter but never heard back from them. Seven years had passed since they had wanted
to adopt me. I wanted them to know I was doing well and had a good life.
Jesse
had started working for himself by this time. He visited the two main stone
yards in Dallas and the owners there would recommend him to their customers who
were needing a mason to lay the stone they bought. We came up with a company
name of Stone Creations and had some cards printed. Jesse would work every day
that it didn’t rain if he had a job to do. That first Thanksgiving in our new
house was just another workday for him. I put Summer in the car and drove over
to Fort Worth to see what Mother and the kids were doing but no one was at
home. I came back feeling lonely. Families were gathering all up and down the
street and you could smell the turkey and dressing floating from our neighbor’s
houses. I fixed peanut butter and banana sandwiches for Summer and my lunch and
we took a long afternoon nap. I was glad when Thanksgiving was over.
When
December came, I was determined not to let Christmas happen the same way as
Thanksgiving. The second weekend of the month we bought a Christmas Tree – it
was a Douglas fir and cost $1.97. I really wanted a Scotch Pine but it was more
expensive and a Douglas fir actually smells better anyway so I was happy. Then
we went to Spartan’s Discount Store to buy decorations. I had a few that Mother
had given me so we bought a box of 12 Shiny Brite Christmas ornaments, a strand
of colored lights, some silver tinsel
and a Yule Log with four silver bells hanging on red velvet ribbons to hang
above the doorway.
We
went back the next weekend to buy Christmas gifts for everyone – from our
Mothers to all of our siblings. They were all small gifts but it was still a
lot of fun to buy everyone something and to wrap the gifts up in paper and put
a bow on each one. It reminded me of the days back when we lived with Granny
and Granddad and played Christmas in the back yard. We wrapped rocks up in old
newspapers and played like they were gifts. Now I was all grown up and actually
giving real presents to my family.
Christmas
Eve was on a Friday and as soon as Jesse came home from work, we got ready to
go to Fort Worth to celebrate Christmas Eve with Mother, Benny (her boyfriend)
and my siblings. Summer and I got in the car and waited for Jesse. He set out
the toys from Santa Claus underneath the Christmas tree for when we got back
home.
Mother
had made chicken and dressing, green beans and cheese potatoes. I brought a
cake and we all sat around the big dining room table on Bewick Street where
Mother lived now. After we ate, we
opened presents and ate peppermint candy and chocolate crème drops. Once we
were back home, Summer got to see all her toys and play with them for a little
while before I put her to bed.
Christmas
morning felt a little bit like a let down since we had already opened our
presents the night before. The good thing was that Jesse’s mother was making a
big turkey dinner for Christmas and we went over there taking their gifts with
us. Mrs.
O’Dell was a good cook. She cooked different foods than Mother and for
Christmas she made oyster stew. I had never eaten it before and it was
delicious. She also made a fruit salad using real whipping cream and fresh
apples, oranges and bananas all cut up and mixed in with the whipped cream. She
added a can of drained fruit cocktail, some chopped pecans and a handful of
maraschino cherries. I loved both dishes and thought they were so fancy. Later
when I first tried making the fruit salad on my own, I whipped the cream too
much and made butter.
On
New Year’s Eve I figured out we had been married for 2 years and 8 months. 32
months. I was 17 years old. Two months later I was pregnant
again.
