Children in the Closet.....Chapter 40

 Chapter 40

The next few days and over the weekend were very different now that Jesse wasn’t here. We were all more relaxed and Amber and Benjamin invited several friends over so it was a party atmosphere with lots of talking and laughing and having fun.

Summer had bought a pop-up camper and we had a good time setting that up on the driveway. It was a healing few days and I knew they wouldn’t last so I enjoyed every single minute.

Jesse kept a low profile for another few days but Amber, Benjamin and I had some serious arguments. They didn’t understand that I was motivated by my love for them and not to simply make their lives miserable.

We continued to ride the roller coaster of emotions. Bought our Hurricane Harbor summer passes and had a good first day at the water park. Jesse took Amber and Benjamin out to eat that evening and I went over to Summer’s apartment and we went out to dinner.

Then Jesse’s mood switched back and forth and there were more confrontations with Amber so my heart was sick with grief and sorrow.

May turned into June and some days were easier and others were awful. Jesse would take all the money out of our joint account and demand I turn our business books over to him and then a few days later he would give me the books back and restore the money in the accounts. I had handled payroll and all the quarterly reports for Workman’s Comp plus all our tax work. Truth was Jesse had never handled the finances before. Not our personal ones or the business books.

We had a family gathering one Saturday afternoon in June at Mother’s home. She had delivered twins back in 1958 after she married Clayton and the boy baby died and we the girl baby had been kidnapped when she was just a few weeks old.  Sharon was the daughter’s name and through genealogic research, she discovered her birth mother. She and her husband lived in Alabama but they traveled to Texas to meet Mother and the four of us siblings. The Fort Worth newspaper even did a big write up.

It was a good time of getting to know one another. Mother, Lloydine and Charlie, daughter Trisha, Lanita and Lonnie as well as Nita’s daughter, Leah, and Amber, Benjamin and Jesse and his wife were all there.

We thought we had a dysfunctional childhood but we came to learn that our sister, Shari, had an even worse one.

During the course of the summer so many things happened. We had a new roof put on and one of the workers fell through the den ceiling. I took advantage of that opportunity to have them repair that as well the ceiling was damaged when I had the chimney fire and there was another repair to the sheetrock in the closet. It felt good to make decisions on my own.

Amber began treatment for her back at Scottish Rite Hospital and she and I continued to be at odds with one another. Amber continued to confront her father and would not put up with verbal abuse from him. I admired the way she stood up to him – something I wish I would have done a long, long time ago. Jesse had always been verbally abusive but there was a scene that summer where he was physically abusive to Benjamin.

I grew so weary with all the ups and downs that one night I keened as I drove to my support group. I had called Mother and poured out all the conflicts of my heart which had brought me to the place where I was keening like a wounded animal. My poor Mother listened to me on the phone and I know it must have broken her heart to hear me in so much emotional pain. It seemed the struggles with my husband and now my children had only grown worse and wave after wave of pressure and despair surged against me and I could barely stand up against it.

By July it seemed Jesse had reached a turning point in his anger, resentment and bitterness toward me and I was worn down with all the surviving and coping.  In August we made a trip to San Antonio together and, while I truly didn’t want to let him come back home, I still felt it was the right thing to do.

I continued with my counseling sessions and support group meetings while Jesse continued with his treatment at Minireth Meier Clinic. 

In September Jesse, Benjamin and I went to Colorado and after four months, Jesse came home. Amber was against him returning so she left home to live with Summer.

My first grandchild was born September 27th and I insisted we stop by Jesse Jr’s house so we could see him on our way home from Colorado. His parents named him Samuel and he would prove to be such a comfort and blessing in the years that followed.

By Christmas I knew in my heart of hearts that I had made a huge mistake taking Jesse back, but what was done was done and I was hoping for the best.