Catching up!

 Louis Dean is a happy man!!

At least most of the time.

He's never unhappy but some days he says it's like he's in a fog.

His room is a therapy for him, a place he can piddle and putter and he can do this all day long and oftentimes does!

The reason I took this photo?

Louis Dean was the one who made the bed up to surprise me!

I think he did a good job!

Friday was our movie night with Ilene.

I had the AC on while I freshened up the den and LD wrapped himself in covers to stay warm.

I stay hot and he stays cold.

It's always nice to watch a good movie.....

Louis Dean and I drove to Richardson on Saturday afternoon to watch Harrison's team play in a tournament.

Kailey took these photos for me.

May I brag a minute?

Harrison was chosen Captain of the Brahmas!

Sunday morning we were up early and managed to get to the rink in Mansfield by 10:00 to watch Trystan play in the Dallas Stas Elite tournament game.

Look who else came to watch!!!

My son and daughter in law!!

Yup! It's official and has been since February 14th although they just made it public recently!

I spent Sunday afternoon putting our dining room back in order after packing all the art things away.

The table is set!

All I need to do now is plan a menu.

The fall season is beginning to wind down and I intend to enjoy every last day.

Once the art was put up, I used the paper plate pumpkin for the table centerpiece.

Sunday night's supper was cheesy scalloped potatoes with ham.

Garlic green beans.

Really good garlic bread.

And a nice garden salad.

Meanwhile back at the Richardson rink....

 Love this pic one of the parents took as Harrison made this goal.....

......and his team members congratulating him!

After making this play, Harrison fell and hurt his wrist and ended up in the ER.

Thankfully it wasn't broke - just strained - so he rested overnight and was back on the ice the next morning.

Look!!

The Brahmas WON the Dallas CCM Championship!!!

Trystan's team made it into the semi finals so there was a lot of celebrating and congratulating going on!

I made a breakfast for lunch today....

It was delicious!

I close tonight's journal entry with pics of Tabitha.

My huge project this weekend was purging and organizing my denim closet.

It was a lot of work but it's done!

I culled half of all the clothing I had in there and will donate it to a shelter Ilene recommended.

In other news, I'm skipping this week's chapter of Children in the Closet and will start posting a chapter every other week.

Eventually this book will be done and after Amber edits it, I'll self publish on Amazon.

I'm already thinking about my next book!

Life With Louis Dean

Now that's going to be a fun one to write!

A String of Busy Days.....

 Tuesday Treasures was minus Brenda this week as she was having a big adventure with Billy, so I took Louis Dean with me.

He was pretty much in a fog all that day and opted to stay in the car wile I went into Texas Thrift alone.

I didn't make a huge haul but I did find some treasures at bargain prices.

I bought a bag of fall garlands - four in all - for $4.

The two satin pumpkins were $4, as well.

I loved this mirrored bling trimmed box and put it in my bathroom to hold my favorite perfumes.

Brand new candles!!

Louis Dean was excited about lunch at Whataburger but only ate a quarter of his hamburger!

I eat more than he does on any given day!

Although he did enjoy a Dr Pepper Blackberry shake and drank the whole thing.

From there we drove through the donation line at Goodwill and unloaded several large bags.

Next stop was Aldi and, once again, Louis Dean didn't feel like going in with me.

He did good to unload the groceries but it took him awhile and then he went to bed for a few hours.

I bought this cake roll and it's really good.

I was concerned about Louis Dean but he seemed better when he got up from his nap - but by then I was ready to go to bed!

He stayed up until after 3:00 in the morning puttering around and sorting through the trash and gathering things up and moving them to other places.

I could track his activities on an app so I wasn't surprised when he slept late....and when he woke up he didn't remember wandering around all night.

Wednesday we lingered out on the kitchen deck watching and listening to the birds and the bees.

It is mesmerizing to watch all the activity as the birds dive in and out of the trumpet vines.

They have shelter as well as the ponds for water and I upgraded our bird seed to better quality that seems to attract more songbirds. 

We spend about an hour outside every morning and then another hour in the evening out on the driveway. We have so many blessings right here in our neighborhood.

I've spent a good amount of time cleaning, organizing, decorating and purging in our bedroom and my bathroom.

At last it's done!

Hard to get photos of my tiny bathroom.

I took everything off the wall and started over.

Still have some tweaking to do but I'm enjoying the new look.

I love my tiny bathroom!

There's a shower to the right of where my necklaces are hanging but a rack is hung over the shower door and holds folded towels. My grands didn't even know I had a shower in there for a long time!

Wednesday afternoon we started cleaning up and getting dressed to attend the fall band concert at the middle school. Louis Dean is using a cane these days when we go out and about.

I drove to Dallas shortly after traffic and shopped Walmart before driving on to the school.

Amber had saved us seats on the front row!!

I love how my daughter loves her father.

She chose him and he made it official....years ago.

Louis Dean is the Bell grands bono fide Granddad!

Kailey is the photographer for the year book so she was taking lots of pictures with a very professional looking camera!

Here we are!

Both sets of grandparents and our daughter, Amber, and Logan and Trystan.

It was daylight when we arrived and parked at the school.....

but dark dark when we left.

As a rule, I do not drive in the dark, but I followed Amber's tail lights until she turned off and then I was good the rest of the way home.

I can drive from my house to Amber's anytime day or night due to the good lighting and I'm so grateful I can do that!

Thursdays have been Art Class day with Shirley for the last month or more.

Last week I served a special potato soup from my librarian friend, Jennifer, and this week Shirley made a homemade tomato basil soup, again from a recipe by Jennifer!

It was absolutely delicious!!! 

We both agreed it could not have been better!

I made some good garlic toast using minced garlic in oil, garlic infused olive oil, a sprinkle of garlic salt and another sprinkle of Italian seasonings and topped with fresh grated Parmesan cheese.

Dessert was a slice of the Pumpkin Cake Roll. 

Then we were off to the art table!

It has given me such joy to see how Shirley has loved painting.

She's an extremely talented artist and has an eye for color and composition.

She has always been crafty ever since she was young and has now upped her game by doing an amazing first oil painting!

This was not an easy painting but she nailed it!

We went by a pic from Pinterest but Shirley made it her own.

This is mine and you can tell we have slightly different styles but are happy with our paintings.

Our Santas are done and we will resume Thursday art classes in early 2026.

Shirley chose this as her second painting and I love it!

I want to paint it, too!

We had a snack bowl for Happy Hour on the driveway.

Nothing heavy......

and a glass of white zinfandel - perfect! 

Tabitha is so precious to us!

She finds beds in many different places.

Dean and Sherry are here to spend the night and it did my heart and soul so much good to hear their voices and talk and laugh together. We haven't been to the ranch since July 1st and I'm anxious to get back down there! This is the longest we have been away in years.

I close this journal entry tonight with a reality pic.

This aerosol window cleaner is now a holder for Louis Dean's tools.

It scares me how he does things.

There's no rhyme or reason as to what he does.

This breaks my heart and every morning when I wake up I put my hand on his head and pray for him.

I ask God for wisdom and discernment as to how I can take care of him and be a blessing.

His music room looked more like a lumber yard today.

A shelf fell down and he brought in boards and materials to make a new one.

He used a regular saw instead of a power one but then used several electric drills.

How can one feel sorrow and joy at the very same time?

I'm sorry that the husband I knew is not really here all the time and yet joyful that Louis Dean is still present in my life.

He loves me and I love him and we continue to have a good life together.

It's not easy to see the love of your life fade away bit by bit.

Today, tonight, this moment in time - is still the best part of my life and I would not change one thing since the day we matched on eHarmony back in April of 2005.

Children in the Closet ....Chapter 31....

              Chapter 31

                Three days alone were enough for me and I was happy to have Amber and Benjamin back home! We resumed our homeschooling, piano lessons, synchronized swimming, Tae Kwon Do and weekly horse lessons. Amber often taught my Sunday School class and the kids loved her.

               My life was full, however, the New Year brought a diagnosis of breast cancer to my dear friend and sister homeschool teacher, Melba. She was raising her granddaughter, Kendra, who was the same age of Amber. We took Melba to her appointments and was in the waiting room praying for her when she had her surgery. Throughout 1999 we were with her during her chemo treatments and, instead of it being depressing, we all laughed and talked in the lab and joked about things and generally had a good time.

Amber had her first National swim meet in early February and we flew into Dulles airport and rented a van for me to drive with the eight swimmers on board while my friend, Martha, rented a car to transport the coaches.

               Once we got all our luggage, the girls were hungry and I set out to find a place to eat. Washington D C can be scary. We were close to the White House and yet, just a couple of blocks away it was ghetto! I found a Wendy’s but Coach Megan didn’t think the area was safe enough for 8 girls. Finally, we spied a kiosk selling hot dogs and pretzels! The van had sliding doors on both sides and when I parked at the curb – 8 girls dressed in their PTX sweats and red parkas swarmed out!

               I loved being Team Mom and buying all the girls’ favorite foods, getting them to the pool on time, and cheering them on!

               As team mom, I would figure out the per diam for each day for food, lodging, car rental, fuel, etc. plus I made the airline reservations so we would all travel together. I divided it between the girls and would buy groceries for the week and feed them sandwiches, fruit and snacks at the pool and breakfast and dinner. I would get them all settled in the rooms where they could land drill and I went off to the grocery store. By the end of the meet, we would go to a nice restaurant and I would tell them they could order anything their hearts desire – because I was frugal there was always enough money left for one special meal.

               Once I had dropped the girls and coaches off at the airport, Amber and I would stay another couple of days on our own. Martha, and her daughter did the same thing and we were to meet up at a European style hotel in downtown Washington, DC.

               I am amazed that I was able to find places as this was before all the direction apps we have now. I got lost more than once and at one point we stopped at a gas station to use the bathroom – and there were homeless people living in it!

               It took me three hours to find the hotel! By God’s good grace – I pulled right up in a parking space at the curb smack dab in front of the hotel! Amber and I staggered out of the car with sweatshirts hanging around our necks and was getting our bags out of the trunk when the doorman came out and took them from us! We made quite and entrance. I checked us in and we were taken up in an open caged European elevator. I was exhausted and called Martha, who had arrived a long time before we did, and told her we would not be able to go sight seeing with them the next day as it would take me all day just to get back to Dulles airport!

               Martha was a world traveler and she arranged for me to return my rental car at Regan airport later that evening and we had a really good time seeing lots of historical places the next day before flying home!

 

               Life stayed busy for us all winter with 4-H Club meetings, Camp El Har horse riding club, homeschooling and another local synchro meet. Mother stayed overnight to help me prepare for that as I had the ribbons to fill out and roses to prepare for the prizes plus, she helped with writing down the scores and assisting me with the ribbon ceremony and I was grateful for her help.

 

               We took a family ski trip in late February to Winter Park and that was a lot of fun. Jesse was a different person on vacation – most of the time. He was an excellent skier and taught Amber and Benjamin and they took right to it. I, on the other hand, skied slowly and in control.

               We had 3 great ski days and, in the evenings, we would go to a wonderful book store – Off the Beaten Path – which is still open 25+ years later. We ate and read books and relaxed with no stress or tension. Oh, how I wish it could be that way at home.

              

               These were some of the busiest days of my life. Our swim club, The Pirouettes of Texas, hosted a Zone Meet in March and, once again, Mother was right there helping. Amber had another meet out in California in late March and Jesse took Benjamin on a ski trip – just the two of them.

               The days and weeks flew past and all of a sudden it was Easter! We had a guest speaker, Gene Wolfenbarger, for our Easter Sunday service and he reminded me so much of Jesse, Jr. He started his message off by talking about how he was a mama’s boy and how much he loves his mama! Made me tear up and grieve over not having my son in my life. I hung on his every word and could not take my eyes off of him. It was like ‘seeing’ my son again. I listened so intently that after the service, Gene came up and told me what a good listener I was and how it had encouraged him during his sermon.

               At that time, he was a traveling evangelist and Jesse bought all of his books and tapes. I was grateful he did and I prayed for God to restore my relationship with Jr. Holidays were exceptionally hard for me during the time of estrangement but God is good and always provides people to minister to our hearts and give us hope.

 

               In May we received news that Sharon, our baby sister who had supposedly been kidnapped at six weeks old, had been searching for her birth mother and found her! She had been in communication with Mother and said she was living in Alabama. Plans were in the making for her to visit all of us.

               It was Friday, August 27^th when I met my baby sister for the first time in 41 years. She is married to a wonderful man named Jerry and they came over for dinner along with Mother and Aunt Irene.

               I prepared a company meal of pot roast, green bean casserole, cream cheese corn, salad, and a strawberry trifle for dessert along with gourmet coffees and herbal teas. Jesse was a perfect host and a great help to me. Amber and Benjmain played the piano for us and we showed them videos of Amber’s synchro solos. We sat around and talked and caught up on what all had happened through the years. It was a lovely visit and because it was, I was totally unprepared for what happened the next day.

               Mother had planned a family reunion for Shari – she prefers that to Sharon – on Saturday and, even though I had been estranged from my other siblings and had not been to Fort Worth in some time, I told Jesse I was going to be there for the dinner at 1:00. I had hoped to have his support since he had been so good about hosting them on Friday – but he wasn’t happy about and said I shouldn't go. He was angry but I went anyway.

               It was hard but I was glad I did. Summer and Jesse, Jr were both there and five of Mother’s six children. I felt some deep feelings of rejection and felt like I didn’t fit in and never would. I had no appetite at lunch and was quiet, not joining into much of the conversation.  Shari told us about her life and it was even worse than our childhood. She was gracious and loving towards Mother and all of us as well as Mother appeared happy to be reunited again. At that time, everyone believed that Shari had been abducted and taken to California. Her ‘keepers’ were not well mentally and she was abused and left homeless at a young age.

               It was a miracle only God could have done that she turned out to be such a fine lady. She was a RN and later a Nurse Educator.

               I did talk to Summer and Jesse, Jr. and assured them that I love them and that my life is never simple for me but intricate and complicated. I was so weary of all the emotional upheaval and drama and trauma. Life should not be that hard!

               I left about 4:00 to meet Jesse, Amber and Benjamin at Cheddar’s restaurant before they went to see Monty Roberts who is known as the Horse Whisperer. Jesse was furious when I told him Summer and Jesse, Jr. were there and he went into a real temper tantrum and threatened not to take the kids to see Monty Roberts. This time I fought back and insisted he keep his promise to them. They went on to the event and I went home, so upset and emotional that I felt sick.

               I changed shoes and went for a walk, praying and crying all the way. Showered and turned on the TV, set up the ironing board and ironed 13 of Jesse’s shirts before going to bed to read. I was asleep by the time they came home.

               The next morning, we all went to church like the normal family everyone thought we were. I was feeling fragile and Amber taught the full Sunday School class and was a wonderful teacher. I left the church as soon as the service was over and ate a salad and went to bed until late afternoon. I was totally exhausted mentally, physically and spiritually. When I woke up, the others had already gone to church and I went for a walk. Walking was good therapy for me but that night my mind was so troubled that it didn’t help me.

               Benjamin came home from church with a stomachache and Amber was not feeling well. The kids were more affected by all the stress and tension between Jesse and me than I realized. Jesse kept to himself in the den and we gathered in Benjamin’s room and read the Bible and a chapter from the Old Squire’s Farm by C.A. Stephens before we relaxed enough to go to bed.

               No matter what kind of complicated trauma and drama we have to deal with – life simply goes on. Jesse and I skirted around one another for a couple of days before we met for coffee together at IHOP. That’s what he likes to do – meet for coffee and talk. I dread it because light conversation can suddenly turn into painful, cruel and defeating words. ‘Talking’ was dangerous for me and seldom ever turned out well. Normal life should not be this hard.

               Apparently, Jesse had a change of heart and bought a card for Summer and one for Jr. Both were good cards and I was hopeful for the first time in a long time. That weekend we even rented a movie to watch and spent some time on Saturday going out to lunch and doing some shopping together as a family. Jesse and I went to the mall – one of his favorite places to go – and things seemed to be better between us.

               Sunday night he and I watched a movie together Message in a Bottle. I had let my guard down and relaxed some when the night turned ugly. Pleasant conversation turned heavy and I felt so defeated. I can't win for losing – time and time again. Life can be so weary.

 

               September 24^th, I turned 51 years oof age. It was a Friday and at 7:30 that morning Jesse and the kids greeted me with coffee and muffins in bed along with cards and gifts. I’d been married 36 years now and was still trying to survive and cope with life as I knew it. I found joy where I can and tried to avoid conflict when possible. It wasn't easy. I was determined to think of all the good things in my life and not the things that broke my heart.

 

               The holidays were much as they had been the year before. We hosted a large Pumpkin Party for Halloween and at Thanksgiving we received cards from Summer and Jesse, Jr. with separate ones to Amber and Benjamin. Christmas was quiet and I tried not to be depressed because Summer and Jesse, Jr. couldn’t be there. It’s hard not to be bitter at Jesse for not allowing our two grown children to be here.

It’s not their choice to be estranged from us and it’s not my choice, either.

               I’m trusted God that it would not always be this way.

           

       

Our Romantic Bedroom.....

 It took me all week but, with Louis Dean's help, our bedroom is spotlessly clean!

Not sure when, if ever, it has been this clean!

I love the ambiance of the fairy lights!

And I love the way that big framed mirror turned out, too.

Sleeping in a chilly dark bedroom is such a comfort to me.

I can make it dark any time day or night and still turn on all the lights when needed.

We bought a new black ceiling fan which Jesse will be putting up for  us soon.

I bought these pretty little lights on Tuesday.

I love looking at all my pretty things.

It won't stay this clean for long.

Once the weather turns chilly, I will turn the attic fan on and have the back door open to birdsong and nature sounds. It's worth the extra work of dusting to me. Same way with the fireplace. They are messy and requires extra work to clean but so worth it for the cozy feeling and the comforting sounds of a crackling fire.

Saturday was our movie night and we had happy hour on the driveway and I totally forgot to take pictures! 

I had the AC on in the den while we were outside and turned it off when we started our movie.

Ilene bundles up and I do not!

I served the potato soup from Jennifer's recipe and it seems to taste better every time we eat it.

Our movie choices didn't work out very well for us, though.

We tried The Naked Gun but it was so silly we just couldn't bring ourselves to watch the last half.

Then we found Delicious which seemed like our kind of movie but it took 15 minutes into it before a word of dialogue was spoken - in French!

I put the captions on but then we didn't feel like reading for the next hour and a half.

We spent most of our movie time looking for something to watch!

In the end, we watched the pilot episode of The Golden Girls and totally enjoyed it!

Before we ended our evening, we made a list of what looks like some good movies on Prime.

A Million Miles Away

The Last Rifleman

The Most Reluctant Convert

The Grand Seduction

Escape From Germany

To Olivia

Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry

All Is Lost

I'd love to hear what movies y'all have enjoyed lately!

We have spent a lazy Sunday watching football - game after game after game!

While Louis Dean can't follow movies or programs anymore, he does love football games!

In other news......

My favorite Brahmas hockey player!

He and Amber traveled to Arizona for a tournament.

Amber sent me some videos and I tried to share the one where she caught one of Harrison's goals.....

but it wouldn't load!

I just love this team pic Amber got!

And just to make it better - Brahmas came home with the wins!!