Chapter 37 of Children in the Closet and a note about it.....

I am trying my best to finish this book and in pulling up past chapters - as in this one I wrote in February of 2024 - I realize I overlapped chapter 36 and chapter 37...

Having never written a book before - and knowing I am limted in my writing ability - I decided to go ahead with this chapter. I deleted the redundant parts - even though they were better written than this version - in keeping up with my purpose to finish this thing.

I firmly believe that Amber can edit these chapters and make them into a good book in time to come.

But I am 77 years old and want to share my story now - even thought it is not a polished version.

In future chapters, I think I had more clarity - but we will see.

 Chapter 37

        Once again, I was sick and tired and blue. I went home and unloaded the van carrying in all the stuff by myself, as Jesse never helped me. I think I had been sick so long that it had worn me down. And my stay in the State Park was over and I am forced to look at my life. I was edgy, depressed, gripey and ill-tempered. I thought dressing up would help so I wore a black silk top and pants, fixed my hair and put on my make up – and went out to clean the van. By evening I was feeling better and Jesse said he would be starting the plumbing that week. So, my spirits were lifted only to drop again when Amber came home so exhausted she was crying.

This up and down emotional roller coaster was wearing me out. Jesse was acting differently towards me and not in a good way. He seemed irritated with me so I tried to avoid any blowups. I was simply too tired to keep playing this game.

I was still sick and had been for weeks so I finally broke down and went to the doctor – something I seldom did since I had no insurance. Jesse and Amber and Benjamin are all covered – but I was classified ‘uninsurable.’ 

I arrived at 7:30 on a Monday morning and after filling out all the forms and paperwork, I saw the doctor at 8:00. I appeared I had several problems – blood in urine, possible liver damage, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Both my bladder and uterus had dropped and the latter was truly causing me a good deal of discomfort. To top it all off – she found a lump in my breast. Dr. Abraham knew I didn’t have insurance so she gave me free prescription packets of antibiotics to get me over the ‘crud’, overactive bladder medicine, thyroid medicine and Zocor for my cholesterol. She also ordered a mammogram for the next morning.

I felt numb and scared. I managed to get through the day and then took Nyquil and went to bed early.

The next morning, I was at the hospital early for a mammogram and ultrasound and Summer showed up just as I was about to walk in. Bless her heart. 

After the tests were done the radiologist came in to talk to me. He said he found what my doctor had felt and he assured me it was nothing! Praise God! As soon as I left the hospital, I called my mother and told her the good news. She had cried herself to sleep the night before and was so thrilled that at least that part of the checkup ended well.

Summer and I celebrated by having breakfast at IHOP before she headed to work and I went home. The blessing of a normal day was so precious to me especially after being badly frightened.

Jesse never expressed concern or offered comfort through this and certainly didn’t care enough to go with me to the hospital for the testing. I realized then that he didn’t care about me at all.

Jesse started on digging under the house and the decks were cantilevered at an angle so they could work. We tried to just stay out of the way and avoid any conflicts

Amber came home from work that night all excited because she had a $500 paycheck!

She also shared with me how she had turned things over to God. She said, "I love being 16! I'll only live this once!"

Summer's apartment was ready and she started moving in. Thanks to Amber who had lined up some of her guy friends to help and Ben and a couple of his buddies came as well. Jesse stayed home and worked on the plumbing project.

Depression continued to come over me and one Saturday I decided to dress up, put on my earrings and lipstick and join Amber and Benjamin in the den with several of their friends they had invited over. We all hung out together playing Nuts and Nintendo.

The next day, Jesse turned 58. I was 13 and he 18 when we met. I did not see the ordeals ahead of us back then - I just thought we would grow old together. Somehow that thought did not bring me any comfort. 

That night as I was turning the lights out before bed, I glance through the den windows and noticed fall had certainly arrived. The front porch was covered with piles of yellow leaves drifting around the chairs and in the corners of the flower beds. I walked outside and savored the fall scented air and strolled over the front yard, noticing in the lamplight piles of pecans had fallen. We were going to have a bumper crop!

No matter how dark things seemed to be - or how difficult the situation was - there was always something to be thankful for and I was.