Children in the Closet....Chapter 38

 Chapter 38 

For several years it had been my tradition to invite a group of ladies and drive them all in my van to the Admore Craft Fair in Oklahoma. My friend, Jean, and her daughter, Shirley, Summer, Mother and I left at 7:00 AM the first Saturday morning in October 2001 and Summer was kind enough to drive for me. 

First stop was the Cracker Barrel for breakfast then on to the fair. We all had a great time and left with plenty of treasures. We stopped at an Outlet Mall on our way back home and then Johnny Carino for dinner. We were happy to be together and it was a day filled with all good things. Times like that were special blessings to me and what kept me going.

Jesse and I went to the SPCA after church the next day and I found the perfect dog. I missed Ruffles so much and losing her was such a shock - it was still a mystery to me that she was gone. I found a black terrier just 8 months old and named her Shadow and that’s exactly what she was - my shadow! She was the best of my dearly beloved Duchess and my Ruffles! I took her home with me and once again, I had a dog who loved me and I loved her.  She settled right in and made herself at home. She even slept at the foot of the bed on my velvet bedspread. A dog after my own heart!

While I settled in with my sweet dog, life continued with Jesse working on the plumbing and the good news was they were able to reroute all the pipes and sewer without tearing up the inside of the house. Benjamin continued his homeschooling lessons and Amber her college classes. Life had leveled out somewhat.

I did something daring right before Thanksgiving. I had always worn my hair long but I decided to get it cut super short. I did not ask Jesse if he approved. I went right down to the salon and said I wanted it short! I actually didn't mean it to be THAT short - but I felt liberated. Then I went to Mother's house and she frosted it for me. On the way to Fort Worth, I stopped to deliver some fruitcake cookies to some friends, Melba and JW. Their hospitality in allowing Summer to use their RV for a month and was such a blessing and answer to prayer.

We spent Thanksgiving that year with our dear friends, Doud and Reaoma, and their daughter, Pam, plus other of their family members. It was an honor to be included in this celebration and, before the meal, we formed a large circle and each of us gave thanks for something this year. 

I wore a new green velvet skirt and a short-sleeved sweater I got at the thrift store the day before plus my favorite fall scarf my dear friend, Debbie, had given me a few years earlier, and my new fall jacket purchased at the Craft Fair! Amber and Benjamin were both decked out in new clothes from pants to shirts to shoes. Very 'IN'. Jesse looked nice in slacks and a shirt and Doug's sister took pics of us for me to use in my Christmas cards. We all looked good! Looks can be deceiving. No one could tell how desperate our situation was and what turmoil we were going through.

The day after Thanksgiving I wanted to go back to Fort Worth and introduce Shadow to my mother. Before we even left, Benjamin was asking how long we were going to stay and when would we get home. A few minutes later he came to me and said, "I'm sorry I was fussing about it. You want to go see your mother. When I grow up and want to come see you, I don't want my kids fussing about it." That squeezed my heart. Benjamin was such a joy and delight to me.

It was full steam ahead with the work on the house and these were busy days for all of us. One morning I woke and, thinking it was time to get up, glanced at the clock only to see that it was 2:00 AM and I had several more hours to sleep! I had a lot of pillows on my bed and a sweet dog on the floor on her rug. Most nights I slept alone and that was fine with me.

As work progressed, there was no water or sewer in the house so we would go over to Summer's apartment to shower and I would often spend the night. Her place became a refuge for me. So many things were going awry on the work at the house that it reminded me of the movie Money Pit with Tom Hanks.

At last, we had water and sewer. Jesse just had a few kinks to work out as in the toilet flushed with hot water. Now that we could live more normally at home while the repairs continued, Benjamin and I put up the Christmas tree. He put on the lights and together we decorated it.

One Friday night we all went to Grapevine, Texas on a Christmas outing. Summer searched out cool things for us to do at the holidays and she and I always enjoyed ourselves. Amber and Benjamin, being teenagers - not so much. And Jesse went but he scowled the whole time.

I hosted a Christmas party for my Sunday School class after church and had CiCi's pizza, punch, desserts and music and games before we went around the neighborhood caroling. I had purchased jingle bell necklaces for all of us and it was a lovely party. 

December days were busy days and since we schooled all year round, we would take Thanksgiving to New Year's Day off giving us extra time to do Christmasy things.

There were a good many elderly people in our church and we were especially fond of one couple.  One December morning Jesse, Benjamin and I went over to their house to see what kind of help we could be to them. They were thrilled! We had picked up Cappuccinos and donuts on our way over so it felt like a real party.

Jesse and Benjamin cleaned out their gutters and raked up all the leaves while I set up their Christmas tree. I left to pick up Amber at the college and she joined me in decorating it. They fed us pizza for lunch and it was a good December day! It felt good to be a blessing and that's what we were. No stress - I felt like we were just an ordinary family, at least for that day.

Benjamin had his Christmas piano recital in Fort Worth and Mother and one of her friends met me there. Amber was at work and Jesse was busy with the plumbing so that was sweet of her to join us.

Benjamin was his teacher’s best student so he played last. Afterwards Mother treated us to lunch at the Black-Eyed Pea. On our way home, I drove by Jesse, Jr's house. Benjamin and I sat in the car together debating on whether to get out. I didn't want to make trouble with Jesse and he would be furious if he found out we visited him, but I missed my first-born son and was tempted to knock on the door. But in the end, I drove away slowly.

Murphy's law ruled over the house project and one thing would get fixed while another thing broke. We had water in the kitchen and laundry room but not in the bathroom so we hauled water in there to flush the toilets.

Jesse had a couple of stone mason jobs come in and would work during the day and do plumbing at night. He was so tired and his back was hurting from all the digging he had been doing.

Our church had one service on Christmas Eve at 10:00 AM. My heart was so heavy as I sat in the pew and looked around. There were very few people and we seemed to have lost our way. I didn’t know what was wrong but something was. Amber had been visiting Fellowship Church with some friends on Saturday night since they had services then as well as on Sunday.  She and Benjamin both wanted to change churches especially since there were practically no young people at Crestview anymore. Jesse would not even consider it. He was the head deacon and that was that.

After church the kids and I went over to Summer's apartment to roll sugarplums - a family tradition! Christmas Eve night we attended a candlelight service in Fort Worth and then Mother hosted a family gathering at her house and Jesse, Jr and his wife, Leigh Ann, were there. I was thrilled! I had made Popcorn Crunch treats for everyone. What a Christmas blessing to see my son!

Mother told me the next day they went to the movies and took their own popcorn!

Christmas Day was good. Stockings at breakfast - juice, cream cheese bundles, eggs, bacon and fruit salad served at 11:30. No hurrying on this day. The tree, naps and dinner at 5:30 - honey ham, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, cranberry salad, cream cheese corn, Parker house rolls, pumpkin pie and sugarplums.

We watched Christmas movies - Home Alone, Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34th Street, Rush Hour 2 and Mission Impossible 2. Benjamin took his Christmas gift - a telescope - out and of course he and his friend, David (his family are Christians but they do not observe special days) played a lot of Play Station 2 while Summer and I finished our Steamboat Springs Ski puzzle. 

  David had spent the night on Christmas Eve, so Benjamin spent Christmas night at David's house. The day after Christmas, Benjamin spent the night with Summer and Amber went to the PTX sleepover. For two days and night Jesse and I were alone together and it was okay. We shelled pecans and watched a movie and, since it was bitter cold and the central heat was not working, we both slept in the den in front of the fireplace. For whatever reason - at least for the most part - if it was just the two of us I felt a lull in Jesse’s resentment of me.

David spent New Year's Eve night with us and he and Benjamin stayed up until 3:30 in the morning playing Play Station II. I went to bed early as I had a lot on my mind. Holidays had always been hard for us but this one wasn't too bad. I worked through some conflicts of my own. I wished with all my heart for peace and solitude but maybe that's what I could look forward to in heaven. I crawled under the covers and started to pray, telling God all my problems, sorrows and trouble. I claimed I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon Him for He cares for you."

My sister, Nita, shared this on my Facebook page the year before she died.

My siblings all encouraged me to write my story.....and I am still writing it.

It's Been a Good Week!

 This has been such a good week for us!

The Bells are safely home from their spring ski trip and Bauer has been stuck like glue to his mama!

Mike first fell for this baby kitty and brought him home from a hunting trip but he has totally bonded with Amber!

At long last - in March - our dining room is now decorated for spring.

I'm loving the nature theme I've been usuing this year.....

A truth is told here on this plate and I am so grateful for all my friends who like me!

As a child, i had my siblings but no actual friends, so I treasure all of you who read my words and call me your friend.

The dining room is clean and ready for a dinner party.

The memory wall is full of family photos of both my family and Louis Dean's.

The one on the far right is a picture of Louis Dean's parents.

I am loving my dining room!

Our first dinner party will be Saturday night with Ilene!

Candles lit, special cocktails and good food is the plan.

Earlier this week I cooked some seriously good pork chops!

Cheesy potatoes and peas were the sides.

All good and we enjoyed the leftovers and then the possums finished it off.

We sit out on the kitchen deck every morning and have watched the greening of everything!

The honeysuckle is about to bloom.....

and the roses are blooming, as well.....

Texas sage does well here in Texas and can handle the summer heat and drought.

I bought three new ones last week and LD planted two in the front and one in the back.

The very first honeysuckle bloom!!

It was so exciting to see and I am amazed at how God gives us so many things to enjoy.

Tuesday was my thrift day with Brenda and we shopped two stores.

For some reason I forgot to take pics and post but we did find a few treasures.

I skipped lunch with her and went home to pick up Louis Dean to shop Aldi with me.

Shopping is a lot of hard work - whis is why I was grateful for his muscles.

By the time we shop, check out, load our groceries in the back of the car, unload them at home and then put everything up, we were exhausted! Better both of us than just me!

I put things like chips and cereal in clear glass jars so Louis Dean can spy them.

The sewing room is the last one to take Christmas down.....

but it didn't happen on Friday.

Instead I fixed a good dinner and watched Marshals....

It turned chilly on Friday and I decided to use the fireplace for maybe the last time.....

unless it's on Saturday when Ilene comes for dinner and the last three episodes of The Madison!

Homemaking, Caretaking and Life in General....

The week started out chilly enough for a campfire in the backyard as well as in the den fireplace before topping it out today in the 90's!

We love a good campfire and spend as much time outside as we can - while we can!

Texas summer heat will be here before we know it and we need to enjoy the nice weather as long as possible.

A campfire. a glass of wine and a platter of cheese, fruit, meat and crackers finished our evening off in style.

This was Spring Break Week and the Bells were off skiing so we went over a couple of times to check on our three grand-kitties. Bandit is the 'old man', Ginger is sister to our Samantha and Tabitha, and Bauer is the baby Mike adopted from his fall hunting trip.

Of all of the three, Bauer was the one who missed Amber most!

Normally a lap cat, he would have nothing to do with me but Louis Dean was able to engage him with a hockey lace and toys.

Instead of Tuesday Treasures, we did kitty duties and went home to prepare for our St. Patrick's Day dinner party with Ilene.

I made a shepherd's pie......

with a green pistachio cake for dessert.

It was cold enough for a fire in the fireplace so it was a warm and cozy evening.

Leap Year was our St. Patrick's Day movie of choice and it was really cute.

Wednesday I had made an appointment with Classic Chevrolet for a recall and to have them put on a bracket for a front license plate as well as an oil change and state inspection.

We took two issues of the newspaper Epoch Times and we enjoyed an hour or more of sipping coffee and reading.

I then took my inspection papers and such to Kroger to get the sticker for my windshield.

Alas, they needed a green thing that usually comes with the reminder you need to update your registration. But I didn't get that - maybe since this is the first year since I bought the car that I needed to register it.

So my mission for this week is to find a CountyTax office that includes the DMV.....

We went back to the Bells to visit the cats on Thursday afternoon.

This is Bauer.....the baby.

Old man Bandit....

Ginger would have nothing to do with us so no pics of her!

Bauer was our main concern since he is a kitten and never been left alone before.

We left the Bells on Thursday and shopped Home Depot for plants. soil and other things.

We arrived at 4:30 and did not leave until nearly 6:00!

It was an ordeal.

We loaded a wagon cart with things - Texas sage bushes, flowers, garden soil and herbs and tomato, pepper and veggie plants.

Then we went inside to pick out the seeds we wanted.

Louis Dean said he needed to go to the restroom so I stayed with the cart.

Then I needed to go - right then - and I guess I missed LD on his way back.

So I walked back to the cart and LD was not there. I walked - all the way across the building - to the restrooms and asked someone to check if LD was in there.

He wasn't.

So I stopped at the customer service desk to ask if they had seen an old man in denim overalls - when I heard my name being paged on the speaker system.

By the time we got home I was fit to be tied.

Scenes from Colorado....

The Bell family......

They had a great week at Wolf Creek skiing!!

Our sweet Tabitha...

I had Christmas tubs lined up in the hallway and she made herself a cozy bed of it!

I meant to take pics of the dining room before I started working on it.....

This was part of the before...

and things lined up to take to the Christmas storage house.

It's been a lot of work and I'm not finished yet but I am close to being done and, trust me, it looks a lot different tonight.

Louis Dean loves his morning coffee while watching his birds.

So far we have had 15 species visit our camera feeder.

Saturday night's supper was a good salad and Ilene and I watched the first three episodes of The Madison.

I had already seen them but loved the second viewing every bit as much as the first.

Ilene and I will be watching the next three episodes this week and we're really looking forward to it.

Caretaking is a challenge and it takes more of my time, energy and emotions then I ever imagined.

Louis Dean is an interesting man and loves to do things.

Here he is cleaning out the sump pumps from the bird seed growing and stopping them up.

My goal is to keep him away from the electrical things he seems bound and determined to do.

I'm constantly searching for things....today it was a huge trash bag of weeds and clippings.

I found it hidden in his metal storage building.

I hide my trash under the dining room table and behind the rose bushes in the front yard.

Louis Dean cannot help himself.

He does what he needs to do according to the way his brain works and I try to adjust and and make things work as best I can.

He is still my Knight in Shining Overalls and I am grateful for every day we are together.

Chapter 37 of Children in the Closet and a note about it.....

I am trying my best to finish this book and in pulling up past chapters - as in this one I wrote in February of 2024 - I realize I overlapped chapter 36 and chapter 37...

Having never written a book before - and knowing I am limted in my writing ability - I decided to go ahead with this chapter. I deleted the redundant parts - even though they were better written than that I had written in the Chapter 36 version - in keeping up with my purpose to finish this thing.

I firmly believe that Amber can edit these chapters and make them into a good book in time to come.

But I am 77 years old and want to share my story now - even thought it is not a polished version.

In future chapters, I think I had more clarity - but we will see.

 Chapter 37

        Once again, I was sick and tired and blue. I went home and unloaded the van, carrying in all the stuff by myself, as Jesse never helped me. I think I had been sick so long that it had worn me down. And my stay in the State Park was over and I am forced to look at my life. I was edgy, depressed, gripey and ill-tempered. I thought dressing up would help so I wore a black silk top and pants, fixed my hair and put on my make up – and went out to clean the van. By evening I was feeling better and Jesse said he would be starting the plumbing that week. So, my spirits were lifted only to drop again when Amber came home so exhausted she was crying.

This up and down emotional roller coaster was wearing me out. Jesse was acting differently towards me and not in a good way. He seemed irritated with me so I tried to avoid any blowups. I was simply too tired to keep playing this game.

I was still sick and had been for weeks so I finally broke down and went to the doctor – something I seldom did since I had no insurance. Jesse and Amber and Benjamin were covered – but I was classified ‘uninsurable.’ 

I arrived at 7:30 on a Monday morning and after filling out all the forms and paperwork, I saw the doctor at 8:00. It appeared I had several problems – blood in urine, possible liver damage, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Both my bladder and uterus had dropped and the latter was truly causing me a good deal of discomfort. To top it all off – she found a lump in my breast. Dr. Abraham knew I didn’t have insurance so she gave me free prescription packets of antibiotics to get me over the ‘crud’, overactive bladder medicine, thyroid medicine and Zocor for my cholesterol. She also ordered a mammogram for the next morning.

I felt numb and scared. I managed to get through the day and then took Nyquil and went to bed early.

The next morning, I was at the hospital early for a mammogram and ultrasound and Summer showed up just as I was about to walk in. Bless her heart. 

After the tests were done the radiologist came in to talk to me. He said he found what my doctor had felt and he assured me it was nothing! Praise God! As soon as I left the hospital, I called my mother and told her the good news. She had cried herself to sleep the night before and was so thrilled that at least that part of the checkup ended well.

Summer and I celebrated by having breakfast at IHOP before she headed to work and I went home. The blessing of a normal day was so precious to me especially after being badly frightened.

Jesse never expressed concern or offered comfort through this and certainly didn’t care enough to go with me to the hospital for the testing. I realized then that he didn’t care about me at all.

Jesse started on digging under the house and the decks were cantilevered at an angle so they could work. We tried to just stay out of the way and avoid any conflicts

Amber came home from work that night all excited because she had a $500 paycheck!

She also shared with me how she had turned things over to God. She said, "I love being 16! I'll only live this once!"

Summer's apartment was ready and she started moving in. Thanks to Amber who had lined up some of her guy friends to help and Ben and a couple of his buddies came as well. Jesse stayed home and worked on the plumbing project.

Depression continued to come over me and one Saturday I decided to dress up, put on my earrings and lipstick and join Amber and Benjamin in the den with several of their friends they had invited over. We all hung out together playing Nuts and Nintendo.

The next day, Jesse turned 58. I was 13 and he 18 when we met. I did not see the ordeals ahead of us back then - I just thought we would grow old together. Somehow that thought did not bring me any comfort. 

That night as I was turning the lights out before bed, I glance through the den windows and noticed fall had certainly arrived. The front porch was covered with piles of yellow leaves drifting around the chairs and in the corners of the flower beds. I walked outside and savored the fall scented air and strolled over the front yard, noticing in the lamplight piles of pecans had fallen. We were going to have a bumper crop!

No matter how dark things seemed to be - or how difficult the situation was - there was always something to be thankful for and I was.

Melania Movie and a Weekend of Hockey!

 I'm enjoying the food reels on Facebook and this was one of them.

It was every bit as good as it looks!

Fresh spinach, tomatoes, cheeses,veggies and eggs...

Since we had a full weekend of hockey planned for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, 

Ilene and I had our weekly movie night on Thursday.

We started with a pineapple wine spritzer with a stick of pineapple and a sprig of mint!

My favorite librarian shared one of her favorite recipes with me during the book fairs over the last couple of years.

Alas, I missed the last book fair for 8th grade and they don't have them in high school so I missed a new recipe.

Delicious!

I made grilled cheese sandwiches to go with the soup.

We totally enjoyed this movie/documentary and will be watching it again!

The hockey season is over but the evaluations of players started on Friday morning.

Harrison played two games - one in the morning and another in the afternoon.

It was a warm Friday in Texas but I always look forward to the cold rink!

The scouts were evaluating each individual player and they all wore blind jerseys without their names so the out of town scouts would not have any bias in their decisions.

Saturday we went to another two games - this time all three Bell girls were playing - one in the morning and another in the afternoon.

Since these were not regular games of three 15-minute periods but only two periods each 27 minutes long.

Sunday there were two more games but we missed the first one - which was at 8:30 this morning.

We made the second one at 10:45, though.

I wore a heavier pair of pants - the bleachers are really hard - and my new Chico's jacket, which is really warm!

I went back to bed for a couple of hours before going back to my regular schedule.

Cold weather arrived this evening and we will be having a morning fire tomorrow so I cleaned the fireplace and brought in a load of firewood.

Between doing chores I have been watching some shows....

I'm really loving The Madison.....

And this one....

Tomorrow I plan on sleeping late and then start working on the dining room....

I was going to post a photo of it but maybe I will do before and after pics.