Children in the Closet...Chapter 43

 

        I did the next thing on my list by calling my attorney. Jesse was served with divorce papers and a restraining order. Next, I called our investment broker at Waddell and Reed. Jesse had taken nearly all our retirement money out of the joint account, so that resource was no longer available. Step by step, taking things one at a time.

I went to Fellowship Church on Sunday and my Home Team leader met me as I came in and said there was to be a drama played out before the message and to prepare myself for that. The drama was, indeed, extremely relevant. It features six people representing a husband, wife and four children, all wearing black. After each one stepped forward to say their part, they pulled a white tragedy mask down over their face as they stepped back. The first person was the husband who shared that he was a sex addict. The second was the wife and the next four were their children. This drama dealt with all the issues my children and I were facing.

While it's true that I oftentimes felt alone, it helped to know others were dealing with these same issues and I was thankful that the church was bold enough to address the hard things in life.

Things continued to move along and we had a court hearing at the end of August. I arrived early and Jesse and two attorneys were already there. My attorney arrived right at 9:00. I never actually went inside the courtroom as all the attorneys kept meeting in the middle of the hall trying to come to an agreement on the finances. Jesse's attorney had the best plan so my attorney agreed to that. Jesse had not been honest and truthful with his attorneys regarding the finances or the reason for the divorce. We would set up a mediation meeting and if no agreement there, then we would go to court.

I had an appointment the very next day with the surgeon and surgery was scheduled for November 17. Not as soon as I had hoped but at least it would happen. By being on public health care, all my prescriptions were only $5 each and this was a real answer to prayer as the antidepressants were very expensive as was the Celebrex for my arthritis.

I had taken Amber to Hawaii for her birthday and Jesse wanted to take Benjamin to Cancun. I made all the reservations for them and it would be September 25-30. He had asked me to make the arrangements for the trip and then became angry because the hotel was not nice enough. The next day he rebooked the trip himself which is what he should have done in the first place. When would I ever learn?

Time seemed to fly by and it was September First. I played Neil Diamond and Benjamin helped me get all the fall decorations down. It was good to do all the comforting traditions of the first day of September. Day by day, life continued to play out.

That Saturday I had my first car accident. I ran into a pole on a parking lot. The sun had blinded me and I was shocked when I hit the pole. The van was not drivable so I called Jesse and Amber. Why would I call Jesse? I was scared; I guess. They both arrived and Amber quickly took control of the situation and Jesse left. How Amber knew exactly what to do, I don't know but she did. She immediately called Farmer's tow truck and filed a claim on her phone. I praised God for good car insurance! $500 deductible and a $30 a day rental car.

Amber took me to Fellowship service that night and Jesse was there. It was sermon #5 of the Just Lust series and that night's topic was pornography.  I know this series related very much to our situation and I marveled that Jesse would even be at Fellowship to begin with, much less listening to these messages!

Amber took her dad and Benjamin to the airport for their trip to Cancun on September 24th, my 55th birthday. I was surprised when Jesse gave me a candle and a piece of paper that said, "Happy birthday, Linda. May all your years in the future be bright and cheerful." 

I celebrated my birthday with Mother and we spent the entire day together - breakfast at Cracker Barrell, shopping in Mineral Wells, farmers market in Weatherford and a birthday party in the evening. Summer and Amber were there as were my siblings and others. I felt so loved and supported. Summer said my eyes were brighter now and she could see a change in me. It 55 years of age, I was at last living my own life for the very first time. I could not have gone through the past several years without my mother's prayers and support as well as the love of my siblings.

Early November was a craft fair in Madill, Oklahoma, and Benjamin helped me load up the van with painted sawblades, canvasses and other things to sell. I was trying to use every opportunity to make extra money to make ends meet. We arrived and set up our space and then spent the night in my van. Benjamin was such a help and encouragement to me. We ended up selling over $400 over the weekend and I was thrilled. I treated us to dinner at Chili's the last night before we came home.

I took all my fall decorations down and stored them in the attic. I knew I would be recovering from surgery during the time I normally decorated for Christmas, so Benjamin set up a small Christmas tree in the den and strung it with white lights. I used red and green plaid ribbons to decorate it instead of my ornaments.

I worked the entire week at State Farm and before I left on Friday, my boss and his wife gifted me a gown and robe set for the hospital. I felt so many different emotions as I drove home. Gratitude for my job and humbled and blessed to be having the much-needed surgery on Monday, while feeling overwhelmed with emotional pain and scared. Many huge life changes were happening one right after the other. I had no idea how God was going to work out all the details, but I trusted Him. So, instead of staying home and being depressed, I went to the Starplex movie theater where they showed older movies for just fifty cents. I even bought myself a hamburger before the show. The Pirates of the Caribbean was the film and it did take my mind off things for a few hours.

On Saturday I made several batches of chocolate chip cookies for the surgical doctors and staff as well as one for the nurses' station once I was in a room. Summer and Amber would see to it that they got to the right place at the right time.

Benjamin and I went to church on Sunday and did last minute errands. I was both scared and excited about having surgery the next day. I cleaned the fridge, made a big pot of potato soup and then built a fire in the den, closed the drapes and took a nice nap, admiring the flicker of the flames and the pretty lights on the Christmas tree. Summer arrived shortly after I woke up and we hung Christmas plaid bows on the tree. While this was not my usual elaborate decorating, it felt perfect for this particular season. After such a pleasant day, Jesse called and it is amazing how fast my emotions could change. We had a huge conflict and I was completely drained when we hung up.

I was up at 4:30 the next morning and had my final shower before surgery. Washed and blow dried my hair, put on a long loose black dress and a pair of sandals. I arrived at the hospital at 6:00 and surgery was scheduled at 7:15 and they were right on time. The surgery took more than three hours but the doctors did a lot. They discovered I had two birth defects; my bladder was in the wrong place and my rectum had to be moved as well.  They performed a complete hysterectomy, both posterior and anterior, relocated my bladder and removed several tumors with none of them cancerous. It all went well and I was in my room by 1:00 that afternoon. Summer, Amber, Mother, Benjamin, Jesse, Jr and his wife and even baby Samuel were all there to see me. I was happy the surgery was done and when most everyone had gone home, I started having the most excruciating bladder spasms. I was in agony.

My bladder continued to pose problems the next day. I was still in great pain and could not pee. A normal bladder holds 500cc and when they decided to catharize me - it was nearly 1,000cc! I was truly ready to pop. What a blessed relief.  Mother was a huge help and stayed with me all day until 5:00 that afternoon. While she had not been the best mother in our growing up years, she was a big support to all of us in our adult lives.

Ups and downs continued no matter if I was at home or in the hospital. The UP was a huge beautiful plant from my boss and my co-workers. The DOWN was a conflict with Benjamin over the plans we'd made for him to stay in Fort Worth over the next few days. There was no real break from upsetting issues no matter the circumstances.

I was running a fever at 5:00 the next morning and experienced intense pressure much like labor pains and I would nearly faint from the pain. Catheter problems plus bleeding plus waves of pressure overtaking me prompted the decision to put the catheter back in. They called it a foley. Mother refused to leave my side until the situation was reconciled one way or the other. She left at 5:30 and I ate dinner and was about to freshen up when a wave of pressure hit me and I fell back in the bed and waited for the nurse to come in. She gave me two pain meds for the awful pain. Amber came and said Mike was with her but I told her I was in no shape for him to see me so she came in by herself. I hated for her to see me writhing in pain but daughters want to be there for their mother and she was there for me. I know it must have been awful to see me in such a condition but she helped and was a comforted me.

I did leave the hospital the next day with a catheter and bag in place and lots of family members to visit and encourage me. Mother's guest room bed was soft and downy and I took the most delicious nap. My brother Lonnie and niece, Leah, Summer and Benjamin were there for a light supper. Leah took Benjamin under her wings and he spent the nights at her house. Before Summer went to bed, she made a sour cream pound cake so I would have something to take to the medical staff the next morning.

I arrived at the clinic at 8:00 AM and didn't leave until 1:30 in the afternoon. They undid the catheter and then told me to drink and walk and see if I could pee on my own. I drank huge amounts of Diet Coke and walked all the halls and then sat in the bathroom from 9:20 to 11:30 and still could not pee but a tiny bit. I was nearly beside myself. It was a horrible ordeal and my daughter-in-law came up to be with me and she kept me from going totally crazy.

At last, I went back in to see the doctor and they drained off a total of 1,000cc - twice what a normal bladder holds. I was so relieved at this point that I said to the doctor, who was amazed at how much they drained, "I told you I had to pee!"

The next day was much more pleasant as I had the catheter and bag back. It was a restful and quiet day with Jesse, Jr and Samuel coming over to see me. They were such a comfort to me. The following day was Sunday and Mother and I had a cozy day together. The weather had turned to a wintery mix and it was nice to inside and warm. I did some needlework while Mother cooked a great meal of turkey and dressing, squash and potatoes after which I went out and walked around her backyard for a little while. I love winter and I love cold weather and my heart was full of gratitude that my surgery was done and I was recovering amidst family.

After showers and getting ready for bed, Mother and I piled up in her bed and watched a movie: Tom Hanks in The Green Mile. How perfect! The movie features the lead character having a severe UTI. Mother and I laughed at the irony of that.