Friday, July 27, 2018

Visiting Mother and Reaoma, Aldi and Lighting Candles....

Thursday was a rough day for me and I knew it would be.
I was prepared.
As soon as I got out of bed and poured that first cup of coffee, I took my prayer journal and went out to sit in the glider on the side deck. It was nice out there before the day started heating up.
Last Thursday, Summer and Rayne joined us when we visited Mother and Lillian and it was a wonderful day all around. I have learned that you can't expect a good visit every time you visit.

I must say that I am getting to know the staff and really appreciate all they do.
It must be a calling of sorts to work in a nursing home.
Next week I am baking a cake for them!
I did make them laugh this visit. The staff, I mean.
When I went down to the nurses station to ask them to give Mother something to calm her down,
they could see I was stressed and began to tell me how people act differently when they are in Mother's condition. I couldn't seem to help myself - I said, "I know everyone thinks all these are sweet little old ladies and some of them are. But our mother was never sweet!" I know, Deanie!!
You are probably rolling your eyes as you read this....
Anyway, they all laughed and so did I.
And one of them said, "Thank you for that. My mother wasn't sweet either."
Then she shared a little of her story with me and I felt like we were all seeing each other with more open eyes than we had before.
And don't worry, Sisters. I didn't share anything else with them!

I went back down to Mother's room and then had a nice visit with Lillian.
Normally when I leave, I just walk past the nurses station and on out the door.
This time, every single one of the staff said a few words to me as I left.
Like I said, I will not be showing up without a cake, muffins or cookies from now on.

Back to Irving to see Reaoma.
She was still in the dining room when I arrived.
It's tough to see a dear friend suffer.
I felt empty and the best I could do was hold her hand, brush her hair and tell her I love her.

While we were still in the dining room, the staff was telling everyone about the social gathering in the lobby. I didn't think anything of it at the time but when I went to the lobby to check out, they invited me to have a glass of wine and sit and chat.....have a snack and relax.


I needed this so very much.
I had been on the verge of tears all day and some of them had spilled out.
They poured a glass of Chardonnay for me and I mixed and mingled for a good little while. 
I met Marsha - who is a new resident - and her friend, Karen. I met some of the staff and others.
I don't know why but I thanked one of the staff and started to tear up.
They all know Reaoma and understand that she can't be a part of this kind of group anymore.
But I was able to tell them stories about my friendship with her and what an amazing life she had had with her Doug.


I think the affair was catered. There was a very smart looking lady in her chef's apron and hat going around and making sure everything was stocked.
Those cookies were seriously delicious!


I met Joseph Marlow, the Sales Manager of Brookdale, and he was such a delight.
Everyone was so kind and I noticed the residents all enjoyed this social hour.
I left with a lighter heart and found out I had missed Pam by a few short minutes!
I will be in town until we leave for our cruise so I will be visiting Reaoma more often.
They have this Social on the fourth Thursday of every month.
I am planning right now on being there in August!

*Source*
This is a nice place to live.

I had stopped at Aldi's on my way to pick up the cheeses and crackers and such for the Cousins/Family Gathering on Saturday.


I came home and put up the groceries and then Louis Dean and I went out to water.
We just sat and talked between moving the water hoses and then came in and went to bed.
We were both tired.

Today (Friday) I have been cleaning house and lighting candles.


I started in the den and worked my way through.


From the foyer to the living room......



It just gives me such a sense of satisfaction to light a candle.
I chose 5 CD's to play for the party tomorrow....
Yanni, Classical Strings, Floyd Cramer, the London Symphony Orchestra performing Franz Schubert and Tracey Ann Collins Praise music.
Nothing too loud and boisterous - just soft background music.


I made up a huge batch of chicken salad tonight.
Louis Dean had cooked and boned the chicken yesterday and I used it all.


All I have left is the watermelon salad.....
I cube up watermelon and toss it with feta cheese and minced mint leaves.
In the morning I will cut up the cheeses and make my platter of cheese, crackers and olives and make the tea. We drink a lot of tea!

I'm looking forward to seeing our cousins and my siblings and my children will all be here as well.
I set my alarm for 7:16 AM. I wanted to set it at 8:00 but it was easier to leave the minutes where they were. That will give me a little stupor time.
Everyone will be coming about 1:00.
My siblings and cousins are all always on time.
My children - not so much.
They are more like me.....
a day late and a dollar short!

Before I close this journal entry, I would like to thank you all for your friendship and the many kind words and prayers. You help me every day when I read the comments and I listen to the words of wisdom you share and take those words to heart.
We are all in this life together.
We may not be in the same stage of life and with the same set of circumstances.....
but we are all doing the very best we can and I think the encouragement we share with each other makes us all a little bit stronger. And I thank you for that.


20 comments:

  1. I believe you were truly blessed with the staff at both of these homes! They all sound like good people. You all chose a wonderful place for your mom! I love your phrase "stupor time"!! This is what I have most mornings, and didn't even know it's name. A couple cups of coffee and it vanishes. Your watermelon salad sounds good! and easy.

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  2. I want to thank YOU! You’re such an inspiration, and a breath of fresh air! I really look forward to each & every one of your posts. I’ve been a quiet but faithful fan/reader of your blog since before the quads were born. ❤️

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  3. I am thankful for you and our friendship. You have made my life better in ways you will never know. Life is hard and relationships are not always what we wish they were. But the good in life lifts us up to get over those hurdles. So glad you were able to mix and mingle at the nursing home's social time. Glad that LD is there for you. You have a wonderful husband. And glad for the get-together tomorrow. I know you will have a great time and I want to hear all about it.

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  4. Oh, Honey! What a stressful Thursday you had, but then at the social gathering, God gave you solace just when you needed it! I truly believe God provided that for you to have peace and to meet new friends!
    I pray that when your mother has passed, there will be at least one good memory of her in your heart. At least you are the opposite of her---such a good mother and person you are!
    I hope the Cousin get together is a blast, I'm sure it will be!
    God bless you, dear friend!

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  5. sounds like you've got it all covered, and ready to go! ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY!! Oh my goodness, that brought back some memories--I grew up listening to Floyd Cramer, sure loved that one song "Last Date" or something like that?--I think it was a big hit. Just love that song!

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  6. it sounds like your bad day turned to a good one at both of the homes you visited. when daddy was in a home, I enjoyed the other residents and the staff just like you do... makes it more bearable... have fun today and I had not thought of feta with watermelon. sounds delish and I agree with you completely. I love all my blog friends, and that includes YOU

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  7. Linda, There are special kind people in the retirement homes. Or nursing homes. My daughter used to work the Alzheimer unit and loved her residents. I know she was always kind to them. She has a new job now, better hours and pay, and she misses her elderly friends. :) I liked the idea of a social gathering at Raemoa's village. I wish I could be with you today while your family gathers. I feel as if I know them all. So hug them for me please. I know that cleaning your home is relaxing to for you, so hoping Friday was calming. Blessings to all of you, love you, xoxo, Susie

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  8. Oh shoot! That pendulum does keep on swinging. I remember a time arriving at the doctor’s office with Nan in tow and telling them that one of us needed a pill and it might well be myself. I am very grateful for those who reached out to you in a stressful time. Course you started it with your honesty and that’s important to remember. Sometimes we keep it all bottled up and that’s no good.

    Have a blessed day today. You’ll be up preparing very shortly and I and others will be praying for you and your family to have a blessed day whether early or late. 😉

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  9. Have a lovely Saturday-your blog is inspirational-mother died at 60-I would love to see her face-26 years ago!

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  10. I know it isn't easy with your mom, but I am glad you opened up to staff. We all need someone to talk to, someone who understands. That's what gives us strength. You are an inspiration to me.

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  11. Your family gathering sounds like just what you need after visiting your mom and friend this week. I always say these good times help us to get through the tough times. We are gathering today too, saying a last hoorah to summer so to speak before school begins for the grandkids. Some will be going off to college and others high school, grade school, preschool and kindergarten. The grands vary in age from 24 to 3 years old, but not all of them will be there. Like you I appreciate the encouragement too!

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  12. Linda, I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. My mother is 88 but still lives alone with some help. I know a day is coming when I might be in the same situation you are in now. My mother was a good mother but she and I did not always gee and haw, as I like to say. So that makes end of life times a bit more complicated. I hope your family get together will perk you up!!

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  13. I don't comment often, but your words stuck with me this morning. We ARE ALL together in this life, and now more than ever we need to encourage one another. What a wonderful world that would be. You are a blessing to those around you. I wish to be as giving and thoughtful as you are!

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  14. I so cherished and savored your parting words my friend! They were comforting.

    Enjoy your family time. Have another glass of wine for me! And Floyd Cramer...I haven't listened to his music in YEARS.

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  15. Linda, you bring smiles and fun to so many people. Remember that when a day is not going perfectly - you are such a good daughter and friend. I wish I could have done half as well! (Too late in the case of my parents as they passed on years ago) Cheers to you, LD and your whole tribe!

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  16. It makes my day when I see a post from you..You are such an inspiration.Where on earth do you get all your energy?

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  17. Oh Linda, you are such an inspiration to me! My mother is not one of the "sweet" mothers either and I struggle with that often. A quote from the book I'm reading right now really spoke to me about this: "Life isn't all about getting what you need from people. Sometimes you're put with someone because you have what they need." You are most definitely what your mom, Reaoma and all of your blog friends need! Thank you for such a giving and thoughtful person and setting an example for me in my frustrating dealings with my mother! Have a great weekend!

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  18. What a blessing you are Linda. We all respond to truth, and everyone has a story of someone in their life who is challenging. When you were honest with the nurses you gave them ‘permission ‘ to be honest back. It creates bonds between people and it’s encourages those I. A similar situation.

    Have a wonderful time at your party!

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  19. My Mom isn't sweet either. But you are. Have a great get together.

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  20. My father was looked up to and practically revered by everyone in our small community. As I stood in the receiving at his visitation, after about an hour, I had to get outside before I announced, "You didn't know the real man. The abusive, emotionally killing way he was to his two daughters!"
    I got outside to the parking lot and there was my sister walking around. She said, "I couldn't stand it anymore or I would have told them all the mean man he was."
    She and I had a near hysterical laugh, composed ourselves, went back inside and the rest of the evening kept glancing at each other and smiling.

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