Children in the Closet....Chapter 35

 

Chapter 35

Stress can be deadly and it certainly effects normal living. At least it did for me. I was exercising and eating healthy, getting plenty of rest and yet I was tired to the bone and could hardly function. I was overwhelmed so I took a shower and went to bed to read. Books have always been an escape for me but even that didn’t work. I decided to get up and do something but I was so disoriented and could not concentrate on anything. I felt faint and out of breath and fell to the floor and decided to just stay there for a while. Amber came in and found me and I could tell she was worried which then made me worry since she was so distraught. Jesse was at church so she called Summer and when she came over, we all felt more comforted. 

I felt like it was stress and still recovering from the medical shock and being overwhelmed in general with all the changes taking place. I discerned in my spirit that there would never be a return to what passed as ‘normal’ for my family ever again and as scared as that made me – I also felt the nudge of thankfulness. Life was changing and for once I was changing at the same time.

The next day the family was still worried about me since I was no longer up and doing but staying in bed and being rather unresponsive to the normal demands of the day.

Jesse went out on the bedroom patio and rearranged things to make me a comfortable spot to sit and rest. He put a lounge chair by the door and a small table to hold a snack plate and glass of tea. I put on my robe on and took my book outside to enjoy the fresh May air and Jesse took Amber and Benjamin to their orthodontist appointments. I relaxed and came in and slipped back into bed for a nice long nap.

I realized just how overloaded I was and made the decision to give up the treasurer’s job for our homeschool group. This was a Friday and I made a good dinner of Sausage Skillet Dish – from the Name Brand Cook Book I had given Amber – and which she still uses to this very day! Summer joined us for dinner and the traditional Friday night movie, Coke and popcorn. Men of Honor was our featured film and I felt so comforted in my heart and soul that we could still have a pleasant Family Friday Night! Alas, for every bright spot or peaceful day, stress and drama and trauma seemed to reappear causing a continual yoyo of events with never fully relaxing in between.

The spring and summer slipped by with more swim meets and Hurricane Harbor days. We loved going to the water park and would stay from opening to closing a couple of times a week. It’s funny how much I love the smell of chlorine and pools but, in fact, I can’t swim. 

Our last swim meet of the year was US Junior’s in Hawaii in July and the team was practicing extra hard. As Team Mom, I made all the flight reservations, and booked our hotel rooms, rented a coach car and a van to transport the girls.

Mother was a support for both Amber and me and came to the pool party before we would leave the next day.  Mother, Summer, Jesse, Jr and Benjamin were there to cheer them on in their last practice. We were surprised her dad came as a last-minute decision.

Our bags were packed, plans made and it was time to go.   We left the next morning, July 13, for Honolulu where we would catch a commuter flight over to Kona. As usual, Jesse took offence at something and we parted on a stressful note. As the plane lifted into the air, I felt such relief that he and I would be apart for the next 16 days and nights.

The flights were all on time with no luggage lost and the team all rendezvoused in Kona with no mishaps. The only problem I had was another raging bladder infection. The doctor called in a prescription which I picked up and started the next day.

 I loved being a Team Mom and Maria was another mom who helped me. Together we had a great time with the girls. It was a long meet but once it was over, we moved to another hotel – this one more of a resort where the girls could swim and have a couple of beach days as well as do some sightseeing and shopping. The parents were all more than happy for the girls to stay a few extra days to really enjoy the island. Everyone left on the 25th except for Amber and me and we stayed another 4 days.

We had beach days and rested and enjoyed our time together. During our trip, I called Jesse several times but nearly always got a busy signal. Our Internet was the old dial up method so that meant he was on the computer. I was glad he remembered to pick us up as we arrived at 5:15 that Sunday morning. He took us to eat breakfast at IHOP and then Amber and I went right to bed. It was after 1:00 in the afternoon when I got up and looked for my dog, Ruffles. I couldn’t find her and her food and water bowls were both gone. I was hysterical and Jesse told me she had developed a tumor and he had her put to sleep just a few days after we had left for Hawaii. I was devastated. How does a healthy dog develop a tumor in a matter of 4 days and need to be put down? I was sick and had an awful headache from crying so much. I loved that dog and she loved me. I could not understand how she could have been put to sleep while I was gone?

 

The weeks went on and Amber was diagnosed with scoliosis and began treatment at the Scottish Rite Hospital in Dallas. She been in pain with her back for nearly a year and been under the care of a chiropractor with no significant improvement. Now we knew why.

I continued to have an awful bladder infection that just would not go away even on a second round of stronger antibiotics. Some things seem to go on forever.

We continued to be in stress mode at home and with my and Amber’s health and I continued to grieve for my dog. Even so, Jesse painted Amber’s room and spruced it all up with new blinds, curtains and spread. It took a few days but she loved it and things seemed to go a little bit smoother when Jesse had a project.

Life goes on day by day with doing the next right thing. I made reservations for Amber and me to fly up to Detroit on September 11th to the 16th for the Synchroized Swimmers Convention. It would be our very first time to attend.

Next was our family reunion in Stephenville. The kids lost interest in going with me a long time ago – and Jesse certainly didn’t want to go - so I drove over to Mother’s on Friday afternoon the 10th of August by myself and spent the night with her. We went over to visit Nita at their adorable house. It was Mike’s childhood home and they had completely updated and modernized it with a huge deck along the back. We all sat out there with snacks and homemade margaritas and visited for a couple of hours before going back to Mother’s and preparing food to take to the reunion.

We liked to go a day early and stay in a motel so we could visit with family members who had also driven in early. We sat around the pool and talked as other relatives arrived and joined us. Mother, Aunt Irene and I all stayed in one room and Lonnie and his son, Brian, stayed upstairs.

I played cards with cousins and it was all so relaxed with no tension or disharmony. I wished my life had more days like this one in it.

I was thinking about something Nita had said to me Friday night. Back in the spring we had occasion to all be together and she said she could see my walk, mannerisms and the way I stand and move in Amber. I couldn’t get this out of my mind. I know it’s in the genes but that’s not all there is. Our children become as we are and that concerned me. I didn’t want Amber to have the kind of life I’d had. I believed she was stronger and braver and better than I. But I wasn’t who I should have been. I knew that. I was fearful and scared and nervous. I didn’t laugh enough and I stayed in a cautious mode most of the time. I didn’t want this for her.

The reunion day was good and I was so glad Mother had encouraged me to go. I needed a few days of peace. Jesse called me just as I was leaving Mother’s. The church is having another big problem. He went on to church and I got home in time to prepare food as Jesse had invited quite a few people over after the service. Seemed like drama and trauma was back on the schedule!

We celebrated Benjamin’s birthday one day late – on the 12th of August.  He and a bunch of his friends and Amber all went to Main Event. We drove over and tailgated with pizza and Cokes at the back of the van. It was so much fun! They all had a ‘burping contest!’ After taking a big gulp of Coke – they would see who could burp the loudest! I was the judge and gave the score from 1 to 10. Guess who was the loudest at #9? Amber! The party went on until 1:00 in the morning and we brought them home and several slept over. Two teenagers now. Amber was 16 and Benjamin was 13.

September morn arrived and I was excited to get down the fall decorations and played September Morn by Neil Diamond. It’s a tradition. Alas, my cassette tape broke so I went out and bought a two-disk of Neil Diamond’s greatest hits on a CD. By the end of the day, the house was looking very fallish! I was thankful this was such a pleasant day with no turmoil. September first was my favorite day of the entire year and this was a good one.

It’s always something. Turns out we had a hot water slab leak in the living room. Jesse rented a chipping hammer and now there was a big hole in the floor. For the next few days Jesse kept digging and making the hole in the floor bigger and bigger. At night he would put a big sheet of plywood over it. He finally found the leak and – thankfully – he called a plumber! Jesse liked to do things himself – even when he didn’t know how! I was able to do a few loads of laundry and as I walked by the hole, I noticed suds down there. 

Turns out the plumber discovered all of our sewer lines had rotted out! All of them! The next week was a mess! We contacted the insurance company and everything was still up in the air. All the lines would have to be replaced and this time outside the perimeter of the house. Nothing would be underneath!

Nothing to do but wait for the insurance adjuster to come out. Amber and I packed our bags and set out our clothes for our flight out of DFW the next morning.

That was when the unthinkable happened. September 11th is a day no American will ever forget.